My Sunshine // Harry Styles

40. Word Vomit

"Hey, we are here Var." Zayn says as he holds he hand out for me. I look around and notice that we are home. I'm the only one left in the car...probably didn't pay attention.

"Sorry. I spaced out." I say. I reach for his hand and step out of the car. He wraps his arm around my shoulder as we walk inside together. Mum and Harry are in the kitchen making some food. Harry sees me and stops what he is doing and walks over to me. Zayn walks towards Mum and Harry hugs me. I hug him around the waist for a while. His hug is exactly what I need right now. I close my eyes and savor this moment. His heart is pounding and I could smell his cologne that I love on him. He kisses the top of my head as I let go.

"Hey V, how about a shower?" He suggests. I nod and he leads me upstairs to my room. He opens the door to my room and walks to my bathroom and turns the shower on. I feel so useless right now...I feel like a walking zombie.

"Love, you have to help me out here okay?" He says softly as he unzips my sweater and proceeds to lift my shirt off me. He then grabs my hand and brings me into the bathroom where he kneels in front of me. He begins to unbutton my jeans. Normally I would be smiling and giddy because his hair is tickling my stomach but right now all I can focus on is how much I just want to sleep and not wake up for a few days..

I step out of the jeans and he folds them and places them to the side. As he turns around to leave I instinctively grab his arm. He looks back at me with a surprised look.

"C-can you shower with me?" I ask timidly. I just need him to keep holding me...he is somehow keeping me from falling apart by having his hands on me.

"Of course love. Anything you want." He nods and starts to take his shirt off. I take off my underwear and bra and step in before him. He joins me soon after and I turn around to hug him as the water hits both our bodies. The sound of the water hitting us and his steady breathing is what is keeping me sane at the moment. He soothes my hair under the water and I start to cry again.

"Shh baby, it's okay." He whispers in my ear. "I'm here. Cry as much as you want." I cry even harder at his sweet words. I calm down with each kiss he places on my shoulder and neck.

When we finish showering, I put an extra shirt of Harry's that I stole on and some long purple sweat pants. Harry puts a white t-shirt on and some basketball shorts. We lay down on my bed and he turns on the tv.

I close my eyes as soon as I realize what channel pops up, "Change it please." I rush out. I can't watch Foodnetwork right now...too soon.

"Okay, okay. How about this?" He goes on the DVR and plays one of the Sonny With A Chance episodes that I saved.

I try to focus on the episode because it is my favorite but my mind drifts off to the funeral...how am I going to survive that? When will it happen? Do I really want to see the body of my Dad motionless in front of everyone else while trying to keep it together...

Harry sighs and pauses the episode when he realizes that I'm not paying attention, "Babe please try not to think about it right now...I put your favorite show on so you could focus on that."

I nod without really paying attention to what he is saying. All I can think about it how could this happen so fast...he was fine a few weeks ago...or so I thought.

Harry sighs and sits up, "Var none of us thought that this would happen as fast as it did...two months went by way too fast.." He mumbles the last part.

"W-wait what?" I sit up and my eyes widen when he mentions two months left. What is he talking about?

-Harry's POV-

Oh shit. "U-uh" I stutter as she gets up and starts to pace.

"What are you talking about Harry? What do you mean two months?" Oh no she called me by my full name..this is bad. I stand up and try to calm her down. I reach out to grab her shoulders but she pushes my hands away. "Tell me." She demands. She has her arms crossed and I can tell she isn't going to let this go. Damn if I hadn't let that last part slip. Fucking Idiot.