10 Things: A Cody Simpson Fan Fiction

Seventeen

“Mer,” Alli begged, “tell me what’s wrong. What happened between you and Cody? He wouldn’t tell me anything. You’re the only one left; just let me know what’s wrong!” One thing I could bet on, was the fact that her eyebrows couldn’t have furrowed anymore deeper.

          But that didn’t matter. What she was talking about didn’t matter anymore, too. Nothing else mattered―nothing mattered. I lifted my head and connected her gaze with mine, flashing her a weak smile at the same time. How should I put this? I just kept staring at her, while I gave myself a clue of how.

          I shouldn’t be here anymore, I thought. I wanted to scream it at her. I wanted to do something, to hint her about it, or indirect her about it, to just let her know but I couldn’t.

          Letting her know about why Cody and I had seemed distant ever since yesterday, meant she would learn about the truth, which also meant the biggest truth-slash-reason would be known to her.

          I just couldn’t bear to do that. I’d hurt her brother, and not once but twice.

          Obviously it would hurt her.

          She would be hurt, but probably wouldn’t as much as Cody and me. I mean, after all, we were the ones who had fallen out of a perfect relationship, weren’t we?

          I let out a breath.

          Strengthening the smile on my face, I gave out a small laugh. I would say it’s pretty convincing already, considering I didn’t have much energy in me―I didn’t have dinner with them; I didn’t do it alone as well. “Nothing’s wrong, Als. Your brother’s just pissed about something.”

          I lied, again. I just lied. I lied to Alli.

          Some people may think that lying is the easiest job in the world, but here I am, begging to differ. It’s the most exhausting, pathetic thing to do. It is a long haul―an uphill battle. It isn’t as simple as everyone thinks it is. How do they even manage to keep up with it?

          “Merinda, stop lying, please? For once? Just let me know what really happened. You know I won’t judge, or discriminate or criticize or whichever other word that has the same meaning as those previous words. Please? I’m begging you.”

          Her words stung me bad, only because she knew I was lying. But, you know? If she only knew my trouble; my worry; my problem, I’m sure she’d understand. But once the truth is revealed, it’d be a burden to her; something that would be etched to her mind for eternity. I really didn’t want that. I didn’t want it to be one of the reasons for her unhappiness.

          I’ve already allowed that to happen to someone. I didn’t want to hurt another.

          Maybe, just maybe, if I had silently passed on, nobody would know of why, and they wouldn’t bother to find out the reason after a while, and they wouldn’t feel so sad anymore.  

          But as usual, that’s just me thinking about myself. Cody, was right. All I knew how to do was to think about myself and nobody else, because I’m the most self-conceited person right over here.

          Sometimes I just wished I didn’t know how to think anymore.

          “Als,” I paused, “you’ll wish I hadn’t told you if I really did tell you the truth.”

          “Am I your best friend?” She persisted, becoming obstinate. I know she was trying very hard to dig out the truth from me. But she was going to try harder. Then again, even if she did, she probably still wouldn’t get it through her ears.