A Kiss of Bleeding Fire

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NANGINIG ako habang tinitignan ang pregnancy test na nasa harap ko. Tears started to sting at the side of my eyes and my throat was closing in. My chest caved from the threat of my tears. I was not yet ready. I was not prepared for this. My family was mourning my missing half-sister. My grandmother was expecting me to get married before getting pregnant.

And I expected to get pregnant by someone I loved. Someone like Bellamy de Chavez. But I knew that it was impossible to have him. He was into my sister from head over heels no matter it pained me to see it, I knew I had nothing compared to my sister, Cornelia.

Bitterness started to sprout in my throat. I willed away the thought consuming my mind. I always envied my sister, even though I had a huge house; a complete family; a large circle of friends, I still envied her. She had everything I wanted in my life. She was loved by the many despite not having the fortune. She was loved by the two men I loved.

When she went missing, I felt a pang of guilt and unsolicited sadness. At first, I was not accustomed to the sadness of her disappearance, so I acted the way I thought would be right. To make my way to get Bellamy like me. To have his attention. But I was immediately shut down by him. He went mad at me and threatened to stop seeing me as a friend he once had.

"You are nothing like your sister. I will never love you, Lilith," Bellamy said and his jaw clenched painfully, "Stay away from me and respect Everleigh. Stop your ridiculous attempts because I am made only for her,"

Bellamy was never blunt in front of me. Kahit na marami akong nagawang mali ay hindi niya nagawang pagsalitaan ako nang masama. Pero no'ng nawala si Lia, the Bellamy I knew get lost too. He was present but his true self went to find Lia. That was when I realized that I can't have him. I will never have him.

My chest caved painfully as I stared at the two pregnancy tests and they both showed positive signs. I was pregnant. I had yet to graduate from college and the father of my child hated me. He hated my existence. He despised me because I treated my sister so badly.

What happened between us was just a drive of our hormones. We were both drunk and honestly, I didn't remember what happened between us. I just woke up one morning, covered with a soft comforter on a plush bed, sunlight streamed through the open window, with him on his stomach beside me.

When he shifted and faced me, my world fell apart. The man who fucked me that night was Garrett Singson. A man I barely knew and a man who was in love with Lia. When he opened his eyes, I saw a flash of anger mixed in his confused expression and it all morphed to regret.

I shook my head and tried to will away the expression I saw on his face. I can't endure another rejection from someone who genuinely loved my sister. Kahit wala akong nararamdaman kay Garrett ay hindi ko pa rin magawang hindi masaktan. It was always Lia over Lilith. I was never in the choice if there was Lia. She was the favorite. I was never the first choice.

Tinignan ko ang pregnancy test na parang mababago ang resulta nito 'pag tinagalan ko ang pagtitig. Please tell me this was all a dream- a nightmare.

I cannot get pregnant by a straight-laced man who loyally loved my sister. An asshole when it came to me and a genuine man when it came to others. He will not believe this was his even though I told him that he was the only man who ever touched me after a while.

"Li, are you okay?" Sofia asked, knocking on the door of our department's comfort room.

"Y-yes . . ." I called back, "You can go na, Sof. I'll follow up. May gagawin lang ako."

"Okay?" She sighed heavily, "Are you going to try your luck with Bellamy again, Lilith? You know that you can't get your sister out of his system, right?"

I heaved a sigh, "I know, Sof. And no, I will not try my luck with Bellamy ever again. I've learned my lesson. I'll just need to meet someone else."

"Okay," I heard her move away from the CR, "Please be fast. Terror pa naman ang sunod na prof natin."

"Yeah," I whispered, I bet she didn't hear it.

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WHEN I was sure Sofia was no longer outside, I emerged from the CR and started to traipse off to the Engineering Building. I needed to talk to Garrett, I needed him to know that I was pregnant and he was the father. We needed to talk about what we were going to do with the baby. If he wanted an abortion, I'd respect his decision. I wanted to keep the baby but if he didn't want, we can discuss it thoroughly.

The sun was blocked by the bank of clouds, making the ambiance soothing. The soft wind gently cradled my skin. Malapit na ang tag-ulan.

When I reached the Engineering Building, I started to roam the area. I asked several students if they knew where Garrett was. He was pretty popular here so it was easy to know where he was. Duh, he was ridiculously handsome and talented plus he was a dean's lister.

When I reached their classroom, I peered through the door, trying to spot where he was. When I saw him sitting next to a girl, my brows furrowed.

Wala pa naman 'yung prof nila kaya walang hiya na akong naglakad papasok sa loob. Some of his classmates looked at me, confused as to why I was pacing straight to Garrett Singson. When the girl whispered something to him, natigil siya sa pagsasalita at napabaling sa kung nasaan ako.

His eyes shot up and his jaw clenched. The anger that was missing in his eyes a minute ago was now present with its scorching passion.

"What are you doing here?"

I clenched my jaw upon hearing his rude tone, "I need to talk to you,"

"Sa pagkakaalam ko ay wala naman tayong dapat pag-usapan."

I glared at him. He glared at me.

"I need to talk to you, Garrett." My voice quivered. I didn't know why. He was just staring at me.

"What do we need to talk about?" He said stubbornly.

"I need to talk to you in private."

He shook his head, "Miss Gomez, I think we don't have anything to discuss in private. You can tell what needs to tell me here . . . in front of my friends."

I glared at him. He was stubborn and arrogant. I hated him. Without thinking, I moved toward him and leaned down to whisper in his ear.

"Do you want your friends to hear that you got me pregnant?" I moved away and smirked at him. His lips parted and his eyes were open wide, "It's your choice," I shrugged and waited for his decision.

I watched him with a mocking smile. But then, he stood up, I almost stumbled backward when he moved toward me. He grabbed my hand and hauled me out of their classroom.