A Kiss of Bleeding Fire

08

DESPITE knowing that my parents were out of town, I felt a smile etched on my face and the pep in my steps. The sunlight brightened the entire vicinity, inching higher and higher to the midst of the sky. The sky was cloudless as if last night hadn't happened. A bitter taste swirled in the pit of my stomach when I remembered what happened this morning- when Garrett acted as if nothing happened between us last night.

As if he had not eaten me out and left me anticipating for me. More of him. I wanted to feel him. His skin, his touch, and his mouth on me. I wanted his flesh inside of me. I wanted more and I hated myself for it. Because it was a line I should not be crossing; beyond that line was off-limit. That line was a precipice and I should not be stepping beyond it. I will fall . . . I will fall and no one will catch me.

Na kahit gaano pa kabait at responsable si Garrett, he would not save me from falling. I will fall and I will be ruined beyond repair. And that will all be my fault since I knew from the start that it was off-limits. It was dangerous and I dared to try. I dared to see what was beyond that line.

My life was in shambles. I was destructive. I was confused. I didn't know if these were all because of my pregnancy hormones. I wasn't emotional, but right now, I felt my chest twisting. Tears prickled at the back of my eyes. This wasn't right. I was happy one moment then want to cry the next. What was happening to me?

"Hey, Li!" I heard a familiar voice behind me. I turned and saw Sofia walking to where I was standing.

I smiled at her despite my throat closing in, "Hey,"

When she neared my part, her forehead lined a crease, and watched me closely. I averted my gaze but she grabbed my shoulder and turned me to her, "What happened?"

I shook my head, "Nothing,"

She scoffed. I was still looking at everywhere but her, "About tito again?"

No. Actually, I accepted my relationship with my father a long time ago. My problem now was me being emotional and the fact that I was inching closer to death. I was having a panic attack after last night. I was being emotional due to the confusion and frustration mixing in my head.

But I will never tell her. Even though she was my best friend. I was sorry but I could not tell her yet my problems.

"Yeah," I lied. This was the first time I lied to her.

Sofia was my best friend since high school. She was good to me. She did not tolerate my actions when I was playing with my sister. She was good and I trusted her. But right now, I felt the need to keep my problems from her . . . for a meantime, I guessed.

Sofia sighed and wrapped me in her embrace. She rubbed my back and I just burrowed my chin on her shoulder blade. As I said, I was emotional and my life was in shambles. I needed support even though I cannot tell her the whole truth.

"Looks like we're having good weather. How about we go to District Pub later?"

I shook my head, "I'm sorry but-"

"No buts! You are MIA for the past months. I don't accept rejection, Lilith. John and the rest of the gang are not happy with your action. You are doing exactly what Bellamy is doing."

I rolled my eyes, "I am not as miserable as him, Sofia. Besides, instead of me, how about you all invite Bellamy to unwind? He can't just be stuck in his room crying and shit."

Sofia shook her head, "Adam tried to invite him last week and he just declined the offer. Mas okay pa noon na hindi siya nakakasama kasi busy siya sa kapatid mo, at least we know he was enjoying his life. But right now, I don't know. I am worried for our friend, Lilith."