A Kiss of Bleeding Fire

22

AFTER WE took a bath, Garrett carried me back to his bedroom with a gentle touch in his every move. He carefully placed me in his bed and dried my body with a towel and blow-dried my hair. He was like a dotting lover and I could not help myself but to free-fall in the dark abyss of uncertainties. 

He tucked me into bed and covered me with a duvet. After he made sure that I was all done for the day, he swiftly slipped into the bed and scooped me toward him. He placed my head on his chest as his fingers unconsciously played with the locks of my hair.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and tightly closed my eyes. My chest was caving in— as if there was an ugly head of premonition rearing its head through the calmness of my head. Was it because these past few days it went smoothly with Garrett? Was it because this was the first time I'd been content and never asked for more in my entire life? Having Garrett beside me was enough to feel the contentment I'd never felt before.

Maybe.

Maybe, I was afraid that this feeling would be snatched away from me. Maybe, I was afraid that this was all just a temporary feeling that I soon needed to surrender. Because, at the back of my mind, I knew that contentment and Lilith cannot co-exist in one sentence. At an early age, I learned a hard lesson— that no matter how I tried to be enough, to be whatever people wanted me to be, I will never be their top priority. I will always be an option, a side character who longed for affection and love. Longing to be chosen, to be loved, and to be a safe place for someone.

Maybe, I was afraid that one of these days, Garrett will realize how fucked-up I was and will leave me in a heartbeat. That the opinion of others will cloud his judgment of me.

Just thinking about it made my heart constrict and I felt the tears welling at the sides of my eyes.

I did not want Garrett to see me crying out of nowhere. I snuggled close to his chest and let the exhaustion consume me all over. But before I got entirely engulfed with darkness, a sliver of consciousness that is left in me felt the lips of Garrett plant on my forehead.

May binulong siya ngunit hindi ko na narinig. I wanted to scream; I wanted to open my eyes; I wanted to stop the consuming darkness slowly pulling me from the real world to hear what he said. I wanted to know what it was and while my heart seemed to expand. But nothing helped me to wake up, I was drowned in the darkness and my exhaustion got the best of me.

💠💠💠

When I woke up the next day, Garrett was no longer on my side. The cold touch of where he slept created suffocating tentacles of loneliness slowly crawling around my neck. In the past few days, I'd been so emotional and I always wanted to be with Garrett.

Now, just waking up without him beside me elicited moisture from my eyes. I chewed the bottom of my lips as I rose from his bed. But before I emerged from his room, I made sure to wipe the tears that formed at the side of my eyes.

No'ng nakalabas na ako ay agad kong naamoy ang kaniyang niluluto sa kusina. My mouth watered from the delicious smell of something he was cooking in his kitchen. The mouthwatering aroma wafted in the air as I ambled to where he was busy cooking.

The soft morning light filtered through the window of the kitchen. Garrett's back was facing me as he moved around the kitchen in his boxer shorts. The hard planes of muscles of his body flexed as he moved mechanically. He looked aglow under the soft morning light; he looked perfect with his naked physique.

As if sensing my presence, Garrett turned around to confirm if I was really in the kitchen, creepily watching him move around. A soft smile touched the side of his lips before his eyes roamed around my body.