A Kiss of Bleeding Fire

28

IT was evening when Lola Esmeralda barged into my room. The darkness in my room hugged her delicate frame, with a frantic expression marring her calm face. Her expression awakened the apprehensive notion in my body as I jolted up from the bed.
 
The soft cradle of light illuminated the whole room— splashing some glow over to my Lola's features. It had been days since I moved in here and never did she try to barge into my room to interrupt my sleep. She knew I was hurting and I was glad she did not try to console me or comfort me.

I did not like being comforted, consoled, or taken care of. I did not want to show weakness to other people. I wanted to bask in the cocoon of darkness and silence. Now, with her expression, I knew that something must have happened.

"Garrett Singson is in our front door, Lilith. He is adamant to talk to you," Lola asked as she moved to my side and held my hand, "Do you want to face him now?"

The best thing to do was to face him. To put a conclusion to whatever we had. Lola informed me yesterday that Mama had called off my wedding. She also told me that my Mother was the one who talked to the Singsons about my decision. Thankfully, Mr. Archangel Singson respected my decision.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang naging reaksyon ni Garrett. Hindi ko na dapat pa iniisip ang magiging reaksyon niya. He hurt me. He deserved to be dumped. But he hurt me unintentionally. Una palang, alam ko na na hindi niya ako mamahalin.

He was only with me because he wanted to be part of the pregnancy. He wanted to take responsibility for our baby. Hindi siya narito para sa akin. But my stupid heart fell for him. The heart that I thought stopped giving shits about people. The heart that I thought was long gone from the moment I was rejected of love.

Ako ang dapat sisihin sa katangahan ko. I fell for him and because of that, I was hurt. I was thrown into a ditch with a butchered heart.

However, the funny thing here was, upon hearing his name, my heart started beating rapidly and frantically as if just a mere mention of his name had the power to resurrect the long-since-dead heart.

Kailangan ko siyang kausapin. 'Yon ang dapat ngunit hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko pa siya kayang harapin. Ilang beses kong ginusto at sinubukang kausapin siya at linawin ang lahat-lahat sa amin but it all ended up badly. It all ended with me nursing my broken heart and tampered feelings.

I wanted to heal from the rejections from this world. I will talk to Garrett eventually, but not now. I needed space and if I talked to him now, my thoughts will just be shrouded with preconceived notions. I wanted to talk to him with a clear mind.

Not right now. I still needed space.

"Tell him I'm not ready yet to face him," I told her and turned my back on her. I did not want her to see my pained expression.

"He said that he won't be leaving until he talks to you, hija," Lola Esmeralda informed with a cooing voice.

I scoffed and pulled the duvet to cover my whole body. If he didn't want to leave, then I will let him rot there. I said I wouldn't be talking to him right now because the wound was still fresh and I knew that just looking at him would break me, let alone talk to him.

Garrett, I needed to heal. Kahit kaunting oras lang. I needed space. You were taking too much from me. You were exhausting me. You were too much for our baby. I could not take it anymore. I needed a breather.

Hindi na nagsalita si Lola Esmeralda. Noong narinig ko ang pagbukas at pagsara ng pinto ay roon ko lang nalaman na umalis na siya. I breathed softly as I let the tears flow down my eyes.

How pathetic my heart was. It was still beating so loud upon hearing his name. The effect of his presence despite the walls that separated us was insane. My pulse skyrocketed and my longing ignited like a flame poured with fuel— burning with passion and anticipation.