A Kiss of Bleeding Fire

02

MY phone beeped right after I jumped in my car. Before starting the engine, I glimpsed at it and saw Sofia send me a message. I knew she was informing me the class just started but I had no plan to attend the class today.

My brain was in chaos. My chest was hurting from the words that bastard uttered about me. And thinking about the pregnancy while I was in a class won't help me understand any damn thing about the discussion.

My eyes stung because of the threat of tears. My throat closed up as if there were talons wrapped around my neck, preempting anything to flow through it. I didn't know if this was because of the pregnancy but I sure as hell was insulted by the words Garrett uttered to me.

That asshole.

I knew I was a whore. I was a slut. I was called worse than that. But coming from someone so pure and good as Garrett Singson made a twist inside my stomach. I didn't like him. I didn't have any feelings for him— except the lust I felt when he was close to me and when I felt his burning eyes igniting the fire within me. I was lusting after him and mayhap it was because I was pregnant? Was that early to feel?

I received lots of insults from other people. From the people I loved. I heard lots of things against me: Lilith was no better than her sister; Cornelia was so damn beautiful and kind what happened to her sister; Lilith was a disgrace to Roberto; I am glad Roberto has another child, Lilith was a mess; Lilith was a whore; Lilith was a disgrace to her family; Lilith was a disappointment.

I swallowed all those because I knew they did not matter. What mattered most was how I perceived myself. I was a slut? Sure, because I fucked guys? How can a woman be labeled as a slut just because she fucked guys while men got praises when they bed tons of women? The perception of society and its double standard made me want to vomit. When will women receive the same respect as men received from society? When will this gender expectation get abolished from the mindset of every individual?

I understood that they hated me because of how I treated my sister. I was ashamed of it. I knew what I did to her was unacceptable no whatever my reasons were. I was bad, mean, and toxic to her just because of my insecurities. Because I envied her. But hearing things like I was a whore because I liked sex was beyond me.

Breathing softly, I gripped tightly on the wheel. I closed my eyes to calm the icky feeling inside my stomach. When I felt my heartbeat even out, I opened my eyes and that was when I saw Bellamy walking alone in the parking lot.

As usual, he looked solemn and sad. He was a disaster. His eyes were nothing but hooded and dark. He looked miserable. There was an urge pushing me to get out of the car to greet him— to try again with him but I stopped. He will never love me. So, I watched him walking toward his car. My forehead wrinkled when I saw a woman, a beautiful woman with paper white skin and dark straight hair walking toward Bellamy.

I stopped breathing when I watched the woman eye Bellamy and the smile on her face brightened. I remembered her, she was Criselle. She was the sister of Russel, one of our friends.

I clenched my jaw. It was shocking because it wasn't because of jealousy. It was because I felt a strange protectiveness toward Lia. Even though there was no assurance that she was still alive, I did not want Bellamy to see girls while my sister was missing. My grip on the steering wheel tightened as I watched the woman shyly walking to Bellamy.

I stopped breathing when she called his name. Bellamy stopped and I saw the girl smile. Bellamy stayed silent and his face stayed solemn, stoic. He was so cold.

The woman told something to him but Bellamy just dismissed her. Mas lalong kumunot ang noo ko nung nakita ko kung pa'no niya hawakan ang braso ni Bellamy. Her eyes shone expectantly while looking at Bellamy. Nakita ko ang pagkuyum ng panga ni Bellamy at dahan dahang tinanggal ang kamay ng babae na nakahawak sa kaniya.