Out Of My League

- one -

Walking in the front door, I slumped my backpack on the staircase and walked into my bedroom.

Sixth form COMPLETELY sucks, and I've only just done year 12. At least now it's the summer holidays and no longer my problem - well, that's for the next 6 weeks I guess.

I sat on the edge of my bed and opened my laptop to emails upon emails waiting for me:

'You have a new task on eLearning: Summer Maths Work' 

Ugh god, delete.

'You have a new task on eLearning: English for the summer :)'

Seriously? Adding a smiley face at the end doesn't make it any more exciting. Delete.

'You have a new task on eLearning: Psychology Work'

That's it, I'm not dealing with this. I am not touching any school work until at least the day before I go back. That's my usual routine: leave all schoolwork until the day before it's due, have a breakdown about whether I will finish it, procrastinate for a while, then finally do it at about 1am.

I don't even know why I bothered checking my emails. I have much bigger things to be worrying about.

I AM SEEING BILLIE FUCKING EILISH TONIGHT! 

With my parents that is... unfortunately. Who goes to a concert with their parents? What 17 year-old goes to a concert with their parents tagging along?

Me apparently.

Do I write her a letter? I mean she is the most gorgeous, kind-hearted, sweet, irresistible woman in the world.

If I even write a letter will she get it? How exactly am I planning on giving her said letter? I don't even know, this is too many questions.

I'm just going to do it. If I don't I'll regret it. I might not even get the chance to give it to her so what's the big deal? Fuck it.

Dear Billie,

I love you.

No, absolutely not. I can't just blurt out 'I love you'. We're practically strangers.

Maybe I just won't say that.

You know what, I think I'll just keep it short and sweet. That gives me less room to mess it up. 

Dear Billie,

I guess I'm writing this to say thanks for just being you. 

You inspire so many people to be who they are and do what they love.

You've shown me that anything is possible and I am so grateful for that.

Keep being you, and don't let anybody put you down.

All my love,

Y/n.

That'll do, I think. Or do I add my phone number? Jesus what am I kidding, like she's going to call me up and be like, "hey wanna go on a date?"

But then again, what do I have to lose?

Fuck it. I have nothing to lose.

p.s. I'd love to get to know you :) 07123 456789

"Y/n we've got to get going now if you want to get to London in time" shouts my mum up the stairs.

"Alright Mum, I am." I reply whilst sliding the letter into an envelope, neatly writing 'Billie' on the front.

I'm already wearing half of my outfit anyway. I don't exactly have an exiting fashion style. Jeans, hoodies and t-shirts are currently the only thing occupying my wardrobe.

I put on my happier than ever hoodie and spray myself with eilish perfume, of course. A quick check in the mirror and I'm ready to go. Putting the letter in my pocket, hidden from my parents, I run back down the stairs and out into the back seat of the car.

"Someone's excited." my Dad jokes and I just smile, obviously beaming with excitement. 

I'm surprised they haven't worked out I'm gay yet; maybe they think I just really like her music.

I haven't had that conversation with them yet. To be fair, I don't know how to. I don't know how they'd react. The easiest way to get over that is just to lie and make them think I'm into the boys at sixth form, even though I couldn't think of anything worse.

Anyway, that's not what I should be thinking about now. I can deal with that later, maybe.

As my Dad starts to drive down the street, I put my AirPods in and start listening to Billie, resting my head on the window and staring at the sky.