Out Of My League

- thirty four -

The flight back was filled with nothing but sobbing and endless contemplation. I just left her alone and now the world is soon to find out. My family, my friends are soon to find out.

Jesus Christ how did it all go so wrong so fast? One minute I'm the happiest I've ever been and now it's been ripped out of my grasp.

My dad was picking me up from the airport. I came out of the doors and into the galling cold of England. Strangely, it was comforting. I ambled over to him and he pulled me into a hug. I dropped my suitcase and just held him, tears uncontrollably falling from my eyes.

"I don't know how it all went so wrong." I sobbed, holding him tight.

"It's alright sweetheart. Let's just get home." he softly replied, opening the door of the car for me. 

I slumped onto the front seat and laid my head back on the headrest.

My dad got in the drivers seat and began to drive us home. I didn't spark a conversation - I just needed silence, I needed peace. He respected that and plainly drove.

When we arrived home, I didn't even get my suitcase. I just walked inside, kicked my shoes off and made my way into my bedroom, slumping on the bed and wrapping myself in the covers.

My mum poked her head around the door but didn't speak, she gave me a look of pity and left.

For what seems like the hundredth time in the past couple of days, I wept. 

Unexpectedly, Tigger jumped onto the bed and laid down right by my side, nuzzling his head under the palm of my hand.

"Hello sweet boy." I quietly sniffled, gently pulling him into a cuddle. "I've missed you."

He's not stupid; he knows when we're sad, and I'm glad he's here for a cuddle. It's what I need right now. 

I just laid in the comfort of my bed, Tigger purring next to me and cried. I cried for what seemed like hours.

She was truly the best thing that ever happened to me. I really felt like we were meant for each other.

Perhaps that was just me being naïve. We'd only known each other for a few weeks and I thought she loved me? I had no idea how completely wrong I was.

My phone buzzed every so often on the table and flashed the unwanted, familiar name of Billie. Each time I let it ring. The thought of picking it up crossed my mind but I can't. I just can't.

The following week consisted of me spending the majority of the day in bed, either crying or asleep. My phone was left untouched on the bedside table and I only ever got up to pee and eat.

My parents occasionally popped their head in through the door and attempted to get me up but their efforts had no effect. 

I have to go back to sixth form soon. Fucking great. All of my summer work was abandoned. I can't even think straight right now so don't expect me to be working on any maths or shit. 

You know what? I don't even care about it anymore. What do I have without her? It's not even worth trying.