Out Of My League

- thirty one -

I woke up the next morning in her bed, only she wasn't there. There was just a pillow and a duvet laid on her side of the bed. 

I sat up and leant against the headboard, rubbing my eyes and brushing my hair out of my face. 

Shark was cuddled up, fast asleep on his little bed in the corner, snoring ever so slightly. I have to admit, he's a cute pup. Actually, he's like Billie - sometimes annoying but unbelievably cute.

I got up and made a beeline for the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and washed my face before brushing my hair. After sorting all of that out, I made my way through the living room and into the kitchen.

A post it note was resting on the island. 

Morning love,

I have a soundcheck for a show. Be back later.

Love you. 

Well, that is her career after all. I'll just have to entertain myself until 'later'.

I made myself a coffee and wandered back into the bedroom, picking up my phone and sitting on the floor next to Shark. He's actually good company when he's not running around like a lunatic.

I took a sip of coffee and opened my phone.

01:41PM

6 New Notifications

Oh my god! How have I managed to sleep in this late? Also, 6 notifications? Since when was I so popular? I love how my version of 'popular' is just 6 notifications.

Wait, never mind, it's just my mum. But 6 messages? Something's not right.

I clicked the top notification revealing a stream of messages from her.

Mum:

Y/n what's this article?

Billie Eilish Seen Kissing...

Are you there?

Are you okay?

Y/n can you reply please.

Y/n?

What the hell is she in a panic over? 'Billie Eilish Seen Kissing...'

Please tell me that's not me. Please tell me nobody saw us, let alone got a picture.

I tapped the link and an article by Star Magazine appeared on the screen.

'Billie Eilish Seen Kissing A Man On Stage During Rehearsals For Show'

What. The. Fuck.

WHAT THE FUCK?

My heart dropped to my stomach, I felt physically sick. My breathing quickened and the room began to spin.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." I continuously repeated, in denial of what was on my phone.

Surely this can't be right. She wouldn't do that. She wouldn't. Right?

I frantically scrolled through the article, skimming through the text.

'20 year-old singer... kissing an unknown male... stage... preparing for a show... who is he?'

After scrolling through paragraphs of text, an image appeared.

It was her on stage with some bloke and he was leaning in for a kiss. 

Holy fuck. Is this really happening?

I closed the tab and tears streamed down my face. I opened my messages and clicked on her name.

The empty message bar sat on the screen, the cursor blinking. I held my shaking thumbs above the keyboard trying to think of what to write.

'What the fuck?'

No. 

'Care to explain?'

No, I can't put that.

FUCK. What am I doing?

I threw my phone across the room in anger and screamed; it crashed into the wall and tumbled to the floor.

Shark jumped awake and I immediately felt terrible for scaring him. 

"Shit. Sorry little man. Sorry. It's alright. You're alright." I said softly, trying to calm him down.

Eventually, after a little while of consoling, he relaxed and rested his head back down onto his bed.

I dropped my head into my hands and began to uncontrollably sob.

I can't tell what I'm feeling. Sadness, anger, frustration, fucking everything.

I just sat there, in the empty room, her dog next to me. I contemplated everything.

Why did she do that to me? Was I just a joke? A fling? Was I just fucking stupid to believe she actually loved me?

God I'm a fool. She's out of my fucking league and here I am, like a complete idiot, thinking she's in love with me. I should've known. I should never have come here. I should never have written that pathetic fucking letter. 

My phone began to buzz on the other side of the room. I just sat slumped against the wall, and ignored it.

My coffee was splattered along her floor. I didn't notice I'd knocked it over. Frankly, I don't even care. That's the least of my worries right now.

I just continued to hold my head in my hands and sob.

I'm done.