I'm Not Him (Maddy Perez/You)

Til The Wheels Fall Off

Machines beeping, nurses and doctors all over the place, and the thought of not knowing. That's what killed me the most.

I ended up leaving the Halloween party early last night. I told Cassie that I would make it up to her for dipping on her like that. As for Maddy I got my shit together. Emotions got the best of me so I let myself be vulnerable but I pulled it together and got the fuck away from her.

She ended up dancing with Nate and leaving with him anyway. So I was right about the shit I said in the first place. Maddy was saying a bunch of shit that she thought I wanted to hear. All I want to hear is the truth.

And the truth is, she'll never love me like I love her.

But I can't be worried about her right now or ever. One of my homeboys, Jaden, called me at the party last night. I really wish I would've answered the first time he called.

Bobby got shot five times. Early this morning I drove all the way back to Compton to visit him in the hospital. He ain't looking too good. There's a slight chance of him recovering from this.

I looked at him as he was unconscious and hooked up to all them damn machines. I hated seeing my niggas like this. It was just apart of life. Especially when you dedicate your life to the streets.

I exited his room and met up with Jaden in the waiting room. "Y'all got word on who did it?"

"They been saying it was them Santana Blocc niggas. I ain't too sure about that though. Got a feeling it had something to do with Mob Piru." He answers.

"Man this ain't looking nice for us South Side niggas right now. I swear I'ma kill whoever did this shit." I say.

"You and me both. You headed back to East Highland?" He asks.

"Nah, I'm bout to go visit the blocc and see how everyone doing. You tryna ride?" I ask.

"You know I am." He says.

_________________

South Side Compton Crips. That was the gang I claimed. They were the ones who raised me. It all started with my great grandfather. He represented South Side then passed it down to my grandfather. Next came my father and now there's me. But this is where the line stops.

I'm not raising my future kids to be in the streets. I don't want them to experience the shit that I did. In and out of juvenile detention centers, witnessing murders, being a murderer, selling drugs out of a trap house.

I'll ride and die for South Side that's why I got it tattooed on me. Kinda like how Tupac has his thug life tattoo except mine obviously says South Side. Which is ironic that I used him for an example because they accused a South Side member of killing him.

I pulled up to the same old spot that we all normally hung out at. I hopped out my car and seen everyone with their blue bandanas. I look down at my own bandana that was hanging out my pocket.

These are my people.

_________________

It's been about three hours since I've been here but I ain't mind. I've been enjoying my time. It's good to see how they've been since I left.

My phone starts ringing so I walk away from everyone to answer it. "What's up Rue?"

"Hey cousin, I have a question." She says.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Do you still make music?" Rue asks.

"Rue, I stopped making music like two years ago. You know this already." I answer.