Drawing of a Rose [Troyler AU]

Chapter 30: Autopilot

Troye.

"Are you okay?" Tyler asked me.

I nodded. "No" I whispered though, hoping he wouldn't hear me.

I didn't know what I was feeling, everything seemed to be mute and grey. Inside I felt like I was a cloud, light and airy, but also feeling like I was made of lead, heavy and steely. My thoughts were focusing on nothing, jumping from memory to memory, fading into a blur of images. My body was on autopilot, displaying anything it needed to show that I was a functioning member of society, covering up the mess I was. I can't even remember walking out of the cafeteria and getting here.

I was like a balloon. Outside I was tough and elastic, bending to everyone's will but still holding on. Yet inside I was empty.

What I've gone through has drained me from feeling anything. In one sense it was freeing, in another it was tragic.

Everything seemed to be contradicting. Nothing was simple, nothing was true.

"God dammit."

"What?" Tyler asked. I said that out loud?

"Uh, I just forgot my homework?" I tried to make it sound convincing, but it somehow turned into a question.

"Oh, okay" he didn't look convinced. He wasn't asking questions though.

We were suddenly at the art room door. I was still on autopilot.

We sat in our usual seats, and awaited our instructions.

The teacher decided, since we just did a test last week worth 10%, that we should do a draw a plan for the next test.

I got out the necessities, tapping the pencil against my hand.

Again, autopilot.

Lines darkened and lightened as the pencil skidded from side to side across the paper. Shapes began to form, shadows rose and light reflected. Coloured pencils shifted in my grasp, creating a haphazard rainbow on the desk.

When majority of the page was filled, I put down the pencil.

The colours crowded each other, blending together. Dark and lights collapsed on each other, creating a luminescent light and adding a menacing tone.

The shape though, was not definite. It was blurred, like a background character or a reflection in rippled water.

I decided to draw something else.

This time, the drawing had a submissive or possibly sad tone?

My drawings have never looked so foreign to me. They were not my style. My aesthetic.

I heard the teacher's heels click behind me, peering over my shoulder.

"Wow, impressive. Very different to your usual style, but still good" I heard her comment.

'Why was it different though?' Was the question running through my head.

Seeing I only had a few minutes till the bell, I packed my things away.

The bell went, and I instantly rushed to my next class.

All through S+E my mind was anywhere but the classroom.

As the last bell rang, I bolted out of class. I needed to get out of the classroom, I needed to escape.

In the courtyard, I breathed in deeply. The air brought some control back to my body, but not enough to make me look sane.

I glanced at the school doors and seeing that no one I knew had exited, I decided to quickly leave the grounds.

The path had begun to change to autumn. The trees warmed into vibrant reds and thick browns, decorating the curb with the leaves. A soft wind toiled through the streets, shaking anything light enough for it to carry.

As the season is changing, I change with it. Yet I'm still the same person.

A sigh escapes my lips. This year has been rough. Flashbacks, bruises, blood, tears, late nights. And a boy, a boy that made me speak, laugh, feel happiness, change.

Whether it ws good or bad, I am still yet to see.

I better make these last two weeks count.

A/N
Hippity hoo, heloooo

Update, but later than normal. But i updated my phan story, you should check it out *winks*.

How ya feeling today? This week?

Yesterday I went to the city and went for a bike ride. Went on the lawn and started to eat, suddenly *wooosh*
A kookaburra (bird) just flew past me trying to get mah food. I have never seen a bird do that.

Oh, and hello HollyBear__ , I see you have discovered my story (well i told you...). Have you read up to here yet?

And sorry for short chapter, had writers block near the end.

Comment and vote if you enjoyed.

Imma go now
BYE!!!.
Jam.