Robin's Shadow (Batman OC)

Chapter 37: Panic and paranoia

I haven't been back to the manor since Jason's body was discovered missing, and I also haven't been out as Shadow. I'm mad. I'm mad at Bruce for never checking if it was actually Jason's body in the casket. I'm mad at Jason for being alive and not being home. I'm mad at myself for not having been looking for my brother this whole time. 

I can't say I didn't have the means to look for him. I could have gone to the League of Assassins and asked, I could have sought out Ra's Al Ghul and asked him. My wide-spread anger has been leading to my tune out's returning in vastly higher quantities, along with panic attacks that have been shaking me to my core.

The only glimmer of good news I had heard was that Riddler's death was ruled as an assault by one of the Arkham inmates. Apparently they all fear me enough to have covered for me and not mentioning I was there, so that was pretty cool. 

I've also been starting to feel like someone is watching me lately. Occasionally when I'm walking home from classes, or going out for food or for coffee, I get the prickling feeling on my neck that someone is watching me. I haven't found a source yet, and it's only happened a few times, so I put it in the back of my brain until whoever it is surfaces. Not like I can be easily beaten or anything, so I'm not terribly concerned.

I was out at a dinner with Dick one night, him having dragged me out to get me out of my rage for a while when I felt the prickling sensation on my neck again, like I was being watched. I looked all around, trying to find someone who was looking at me, but we were inside a restaurant, and none of the patrons or staff were looking at me.

"Ana?" Dick asks me curiously, seeing me look around while he ate. I took a final glance around and stopped feeling the prickling, so I shrugged it off and focused back to Dick. I didn't have much appetite, so I just pushed my food around, which also didn't go unnoticed. "Eat your food, please." He pleads softly to me. "I know you're mad, but you still need to eat. Bruce will find Jason's body, he's working hard on it."

"I know." I admitted feebly, reluctantly going back to eating my meal that was tasteless on my tongue. We finish up and went to take a stroll after.

We were walking in a park, and Dick decided to stop and get us some ice cream for desert. I felt the prickle again, and again looked around, not seeing anyone around us at all, we're alone in the park. When Dick came back, he triumphantly handed me a cone of Neapolitan ice cream, beaming like he just did the greatest thing in the world.

"Tada! Your favorite." Dick sings smugly, shoving the ice cream into my hands. 

I try to smile, but a panic attack hits me out of nowhere. This isn't my favorite flavor, this is Jason's favorite. I've just been eating it since I was a kid here to bond with him, it became my comfort because it reminded me of him, and he's not here anymore. He's not here, and he's not in his grave. I don't know where he is, or if he's alive, or if he's coming back. I just don't know.

I feel my breaths getting shorter, and my body temperature spikes high, I drop the cone Dick had just handed me, doubling over as I gasp to get air. "Ana!" I hear him scream out in concern as I hug my knees to my chest, silently screaming between my gasps. I'm having a panic attack, and I can't come out of it at all. What's worse, I can't breathe at all.

"Can't." I gasp out in fear. "Breathe." I manage to say, feeling the spots start to fade in around me. Suddenly, Dick forces my body to the side and unwinds it as he tackles me to the ground fully, crossing my arms over my own chest as he holds my back to his chest.

"Breathe with me, Ana. Feel my breathes." Dick order to me firmly but calmly. "Calm down and focus on the things around you. Count how many trees you see, count how many birds there are. Do it, out loud for me." He gently rocks me against his body.