Music Sheet (Harry Styles)

Chapter 30 ~ Hannah

Chapter 30 ~ Hannah

I’ve been avoiding Harry again. But this time it’s not entirely purposeful, I’ve been really busy in Uni and even more now that Max’s father has asked us to play again for Easter. I’m really happy that kids in his school liked what we did that much, and this certainly will look great in my CV. That’s why after classes I normally stay with Max and Stanley to practice and later I go to the shop to help Dad a bit. I don’t have much free time now to spend with Harry and I know he’s been very busy as well. Against all my own prejudices, I’ve been watching the gossip shows, just to know his whereabouts.

He sometimes calls me, just to ask me if I have time to hang out, but my answer is the same all the time. “I’m busy, I really can’t.”

Savannah says that I’m just using lame excuses to keep distance between us, but I’m not. “If you really wanted to spend time with him, you would find a way,” she often says, but I shake my head and change the subject.

Maybe she is a bit right, I know that I could find at least an hour to see Harry, but I don’t even try. It’s just that… it is overwhelming. The way I’m growing so fond of him, of having him next to me. I already lean on him as I used to do with Savannah. I consider him my friend, part of my life and sometimes it scares me how much I think of him. Sometimes I surprise myself by thinking of him during classes after the professor says something that reminds me of him. I guess I only want a break.

“You’re only afraid to fall in love with him,” Savannah insists when I tell her that I’m just trying to get some rest; that working on opening to people is exhausting. I don’t accept it out loud, but I’m afraid she may be right.

When Harry takes my hand, when he looks at me, when she smiles at me my heart flutters in my chest. When he kisses my cheek I honestly feel butterflies in my stomach and all those feelings scare me because, let’s be honest, I’ve quite forgotten what it feels like to experience all this. I’ve been secluded in my own world for so long; I didn’t think I would feel like this again. I didn’t think someone would get to that part of my soul again.

I thought I was protected.

But falling in love would mean to completely let him in, no barrier whatsoever. But Harry is Harry Styles, he’s the heartthrob of the moment, the man that is always on the tabloids and gossip shows, the womaniser that is always captured with a different woman at every party. Sometimes with more than one woman in one night. He is the man who goes to other countries and has thousands of screaming girls throwing themselves at his feet. Harry is the kind of man who meets so many people, famous people, women that can understand the kind of world he lives in. Women that want the same things he wants.

I don’t even want to sing on a stage, and that’s what he loves the most.

Falling in love with him or something with him means letting him in just to see him say goodbye afterwards. He can’t stay with me, and I can’t go with him. I may not lose him the way I lost my mother, but I will certainly lose him to his fame and his world. And wouldn’t that be more painful? Knowing that he is out there, that I can touch him, see him again, but not having him next to me ever again?

Of course, falling in love scares the hell out of me and if distance is what I need to keep me safe from that, then that’s what I’m going to do. I can’t fall for Harry Styles unless I want to lose him and suffer from that. We can only be friends, because friends don’t need the same things that a couple would need. A friendship, maybe not a really close friendship, may work between us. But not anything else.

“Shall we start from the beginning again?” Stanley asks and I shake my head to shove off all the thoughts that have consumed me for the last couple of minutes.