Music Sheet (Harry Styles)

Chapter 39 ~ Harry

Chapter 39 ~ Harry

When I break the kiss, my breathing is heavy and my heart is hammering in my ribcage, but I don’t care, I don’t mind the reaction of my body, I still hold Hannah tightly in my arms, looking her in the eyes as a smile plays across her face. It’s not only what the lyrics of the song said, it’s not only that she sang that for me, it’s what all that means. She pushed me away for so long, but she doesn’t do it anymore. On the contrary, she holds on to me for dear life, she wants me there with her and that is all I’ve ever wanted from her. From Hannah, to want me with her.

“And I just gave you flowers. Now I feel bad,” I comment with a smile on my lips and my words make her giggle. “But honestly, that was incredible. Thank you so much, Hannah. This means so much to me.”

“I won’t push you away anymore. I’m sorry for what I made you go through but that’s over now,” she says and the way she is looking at me, with so much honesty, along with that sweet smile… all that makes me feel lighter and warmer inside.

“Perfect,” I say softly, my hands rubbing her back as I put our foreheads together. “By the way, I love this new you. I really liked you since the beginning, but now… I’m totally lost. You really got me, Hannah,” I confess because since that day when she kissed me first, when she let her walls down, it’s like a new Hannah was born. She is sweeter with me, she doesn’t avoid my contact, she looks for me, she calls me, she takes my hand, steals some kisses. She really shows me how much she wants to be with me and she looks so happy; happier than I’ve ever seen her before. Her smile always reaches her eyes and it’s like she’s become a hundred times more beautiful.

“If I changed, it’s because of you. You helped me to go back to my old self,” she answers pecking my lips shortly. “I just wish Mum could see me now. I wish I could tell her I’m doing a lot better now.” She rests her head on my chest, her arms hugging me tightly. “You know, I miss her every day. We always talked at the end of the day, I always told her all the things I did… and since she died, that part in my life is missing. I can’t tell her how things are going with you. I can’t tell her about you, and I’m sure she would’ve loved you. I’m better, I’m moving on, but I still miss her.”

I hold her tighter, my hands rubbing her back up and down as I bury my nose in her hair, trying to figure out how to reply to that. “But you still can tell her. Maybe she can’t answer, but I’m sure she can hear you. You can go to her grave and talk to her. Many people do that,” I offer as an alternative, though she surely does that already.

“I can’t,” she says and I pull back just an inch to look her in the eyes, but she avoids my glance. “I– I haven’t gone to her grave since the funeral. I just– I just don’t think I can do it. I’ll break there and… I can’t.”

I look at her, surprised by her confession, trying to understand her. It must be hard going to the place you know the body of that beloved person lies. It’s a constant reminder that they are not with you anymore and I guess that’s why it’s so hard for Hannah, but I honestly believe it would be good for her, to face that. Even if she breaks. She needs to do that.

“I can go with you if you want to. When you’re ready, of course. If you break, I’ll be there for you.”

She doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, but I feel her arms tensing around me and I know she is holding her breath. It seems like forever has passed when she speaks again, and she does it in a whisper. “Thank you, Harry,” is all she says, but I have a clear understanding of what she means by that and I can’t help but smile. This only proves how much she is working to move on with her life.