Music Sheet (Harry Styles)

Chapter 8 ~ Hannah

Chapter 8 ~ Hannah

I swear I’m cursed or something. I know for sure he didn’t follow me there, it was an accident, I saw the surprise in his eyes as well as the delight of seeing me there in such uncomfortable occasion. Our encounter in the coffee shop was fortuitous and I want to curse something for that reason. As if it is not enough with him going to the garage to annoy me, now I bump into him in my local Starbucks. Honestly, I haven’t been a bad girl to deserve this. Why is this happening to me?

“Hannah, stop,” Savannah says pulling me so I cease my walking. I do stop and close my eyes, I even let go of her wrist and breathe deeply. I won’t let him to get to my nerves.

He already gets to your nerves, a little voice in my head says and I hush it mentally.

“He’s cuter in person, I dare to say,” she adds and I shoot my eyes open, turning around to glare daggers at her.

“What?” I say slowly almost in a threating way.

“I like him already!” She carries on like she’s incapable of seeing the steam coming out of my ears. “Look at you! I haven’t seen you like this in so long. Your cheeks are all rosy and you can feel the tension in your body!” Savannah continues talking like I’m some sort of exhibition for her to appreciate.

“I despise him,” I tell her carefully. Maybe she doesn’t understand.

“I know! That’s why I like him. All it took was a few words and a cocky smile and you are all flustered! Don’t you see it? He wakes you up like no one and nothing has done before. Not since your mum–” and that’s where she stops, all her excitement gone.

I forget my anger and annoyance as the pain of losing her attacks me again. Sometimes I wonder if I’m ever going to get over her death. I have gone on with my life, but it’s not a secret that nothing is the same since she has been gone.

I miss her every day. Every moment.

I miss how she used to kiss my forehead to say goodbye, or the proud smile on her lips every time she saw me performing, or her hugs if I was sad and even the way she furrowed her eyes when she was mad for something I did. I miss having her in my life.

“Let’s forget about this. I don’t like Harry Boy-band and, hopefully, I won’t see him again. Now hurry up or we’re gonna be late for classes,” I tell Savannah in a cold and monotone voice.

I know she wants to say something but I start walking and soon enough I hear her next to me. Some days are harder than others, but her memory is always with me. I know I shouldn’t let losing her stop me from the things I always wanted, she wouldn’t want that, but since she’s been gone, many things have lost meaning for me. Since she’s gone, the most important thing is my promise, Dad and Savannah. I don’t want anyone else to be part of my life –at least not in the way Savannah and Dad are– because I don’t want to lose anyone else again.

Life is so unpredictable. One moment you’re here, next you just left with no chance of coming back. But it is not terrible for you because you’re just gone. The ones who keep suffering for so long are those who loved you while you were alive. The one who suffers the most is the one who stays.

Savannah and Dad might leave me just like Mum did, why would I let anyone else have the possibility of leaving me as well? And I don’t mean only passing away; there are many other ways to leave you behind.

That is why I shut out everyone else. I don’t want to give them the chance to break me the way my mum’s death did, even if they don’t do it on purpose. This is the only way I can protect myself. I can’t grow fond of anyone else because that will hurt me eventually. No one can stay with you forever. And that’s why I don’t like Harry –one of the many reasons why–, because he seems like he wants to burst into my life no matter what and I don’t want him here.