Music Sheet (Harry Styles)

Chapter 44 ~ Hannah

Chapter 44 ~ Hannah

As I see the crowd screaming their names, crying because they can see them, holding signs with their names and other things, the fact of how big they are hits me mercilessly. Around the world there are millions of people dying to get to know Harry as much as I know him, to be in my shoes. Girls that would kill to have him looking at them the way he looks at me.

What makes me so special? Why does Harry look at me that way and not at another girl? I know that there are so many other girls better than me, girls that don’t carry the luggage I have to. Harry could meet a girl without the problems I have, that would worship the ground he stands on, someone who can be friends with his friends without a problem, without having to make a humongous effort to get along with them.

I know Harry has a reputation, I know he’s been with a lot of women, he has told me that. I know not all of them were serious relationships, but the whole world thinks he is a player and I know he is not. I understand, as I see the crowd, that many women throw themselves at him. Some of them because of his fame, some because they loved him and would do anything to have him. Any normal guy would give in and I’m not worried that Harry would cheat on me with a one-night stand or something like that. I trust him, I know that for some crazy reason, he really cares about me. But I’m afraid he’ll meet a better girl, someone that will throw herself at him and offer him a simple relationship. Or maybe someone who wants the same things as him, like another singer or even an actress.

Being in a relationship is always difficult and I forgot about insecurities. I haven’t had to worry about someone finding someone better for so long because I didn’t let anyone else care about me as I’ve let Harry. And I didn’t let myself care about other person the way I care about Harry now. And if insecurities weren’t enough already, I have to worry over the fact that Harry meets more people –amazing people– than any other regular guy. It’s like I have an army to compete against.

When the gig is over and the lads come back to backstage, Harry notices there’s a change in me.

“Are you okay, babe?” He asks with his hands around my waist, pulling me close. I don’t really mind that he’s sweaty and breathing heavily, my mind is way mistier with my gloomy thoughts.

My fingers move over his chest, following the stamp on his t-shirt as I try to clear my mind to speak up. “I–– I guess I’m just overwhelmed by how big you are. Your fans really love you.”

“Our fans are so passionate and loud. They are amazing,” he says with a proud smile. They are nice to him most of the time, though I’ve seen some things I prefer to overlook. They have said mean things about me, but if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s ignoring other people.

“They’ll never forgive me for stealing your affection,” I mumble avoiding his eyes and I heard him chuckle. Next, his lips are on my forehead.

“They can be jealous, but they will grow up and accept that you are who makes me happy. You see how they accepted Alex already,” he reminds me and I smile, this time looking in his eyes.

What will happen when he meets someone better? Someone more interesting? How am I supposed to cope with him deciding that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore? What if I don’t make him happy anymore because I’m still too broken for him? I know I’ll get better, but my mother’s death and what I’ve done all this time will always be a scar in my soul.

I don’t say anything else, I just rest my forehead on his shoulder and hug him back. I feel his arms wrapping around me more tenderly as he strokes my hair with one hand.