Music Sheet (Harry Styles)

Chapter 32 ~ Hannah

Chapter 32 ~ Hannah

“Come on, Hannah, let me in!” Savannah calls for what it seems the millionth time today, but I’m not opening. In fact, I’m not even moving. I’m just lying on my bed with Hope, cursing myself because I can’t stop replaying that kiss with Harry in my mind over and over again. And that was five days ago!

He haunts me, I swear! He is like a ghost, I cannot see him but I feel him there, in the dark corners of my mind, at my back, constantly following me. The moment I close my eyes, I see him. I feel him. I still feel my lips tingling with the taste of his over mine. I still feel his hands tightly pressed on my back. I still feel the passion when he took me in his arms, I still see the anger in his emerald eyes before he kissed me. Every time I relive that moment, it’s like it’s happening again. Exactly the same.

I hate myself because I can’t stop thinking of him after I yelled at him to never do it again, but in my dreams I see it many other ways when he kisses me and I kiss him back. Images where we get lost and burn in the passion of a desperate kiss. It’s like my subconscious is screaming I want him to kiss me again, over and over again, but my rational side yells that I shouldn’t think of that.

I– I’ve never been kissed like that before, I never felt the way I did. I’ve had a few boyfriends, I’ve kissed and been kissed even more times, but never like that. I never felt like the whole world had stopped, I never felt like he was all that held me, I never felt like I could live only from the taste of his lips. I never felt the way Harry made me feel when he kissed me and I hate myself for that.

I can’t like someone like Harry. Someone who only called me the day after he just kissed me; someone who goes clubbing every bloody day with his friends; someone who hasn’t bothered to even text me! I know I told him to get lost, but still… I– I never thought Harry would give up that easily. Not after all he has done.

When I slapped him it was because I panicked. I was getting lost in the kiss, I just wanted more and more and that scared me to death. I didn’t know what else to do in that moment. Now I find myself fighting with myself, questioning whether I did the right think or if I should apologise to him.

“Hannah, I know you in there. Please, let’s talk about this,” my best friend begs again and I groan as I pull the covers over my head.

I can’t say out loud all my conflictive thoughts, because if I do, that would make them real. As long as they are in my mind, I can pretend I’m only going mad.

“Okay, that’s it. I’ve respected your privacy by knocking at your door but I reaffirm my authority as best friend by coming in anyways!” Before I can do something about it, I hear her kicking –yes, kicking– my door and making her way inside.

“Savannah!” I exclaim practically jumping six feet over my bed. “Bloody hell! Don’t do that again, you idiot!” I shout next, glaring at my best friend.

“Next time you should open the door, then,” is all she says. Oh God, she’s hopeless sometimes. “Hannah, are you okay? You haven’t returned my calls and every time I see you at Uni you say you have something to do and run away. Did something happen?” Savannah walks over to my bed, sitting by my side and taking my hand. I want to shove her off, I don’t want anyone to touch me but she is my best friend, the one that has been with me forever and that will never leave, even if I want her away. Even as a ghost, she will never leave me. She promised that.

“I’m okay,” I answer looking away.

“Yeah, and I’m dating Daniel Howell,” she snorts and I giggle at the mention of her YouTube crush. “Come on, Hannah, you don’t fool me. Tell me what’s wrong.”