DRIVE ME CRAZY (Cerlance Zodiac)

088 - This Is Goodbye

LOST. THAT'S HOW HE FELT AFTER HEARING WHAT SHELLANY HAD SAID. Hindi niya alam kung tama ang narinig o nagkakamali lang siya sa dami ng iniisip sa mga sandaling iyon.

          "Come again?" he said.

          Muling humugot nang malalim na paghinga si Shellany bago inulit ang sinabi. "P-Pwede is nang bumalik sa Maynila ngayon. I am staying here."

          Tila may kung anong sumabog sa ulo niya dahilan kaya hindi siya kaagad nakahanap ng isasagot. He was dumbfounded.

          Nagpatuloy si Shellany. "Nag-usap na kami ni Knight. Ipinaliwanag niya sa akin ang totoong mga nangyari, at ang sitwasyon. Binigyan niya ako ng pagkakataong pag-isipang mabuti ang mga bagay-bagay. And I have decided, Cerlance. I'm staying."

          Naguguluhang inilipat niya ang tingin kay Knight na hindi umalis sa pagkakasandal sa hamba ng pinto. Seryoso ang anyo nito habang nakatingin sa direksyon nila. Ibinalik niya ang tingin kay Shellany. "You're staying? You mean... you and that bastard are getting back together?"

          Nakita niya ang mariing paglunok nito kasunod ang pagtango. "Yes, that's correct."

      "Why, Shellany? After all that he's done to you?"

      "Nagpaliwanag na siya—"

      "Na kaagad mong pinaniwalaan?"

      "Why wouldn't I? Naging tapat siya sa paliwanag niya, at hiningi niya ang pagpapatawad ko—"

      "Pero sapat ba ang tatlumpong minutong pag-iisip para masiguro mong tama ang naging desisyon mong balikan siya?" Damn it. Stop this, Cerlance. You are getting out of hand. Walk away now. Accept defeat. Shellany has chosen to get back to her stupid ex. There is nothing you can do now!

         Pero putangina, ano ang nangyari sa loob ng taltlumpong minuto? Panatag siyang lalabas si Shellany mula sa bahay na iyon at babalik sa koste niya upang sabihing pormal na nitong tinapos ang koneksyon nito sa dating kasintahan. Na magyayaya na itong bumalik na sa Maynila. Pagdating doon ay sasabihin niya ritong umalis na sa unit na tinitirhan nito kasama ang dating nobyo. He would convince her to live with him—tutal ay napag-usapan na rin naman nilang eksklusibo na sila. It may be sudden, but he knew what he wanted and he stood for it.

          And fuck. He even planned to buy a new house in preparation for what was coming!

          He heedlessly planned to have a future with her! Na hindi pa niya na-kompirma sana kung hindi niya nakausap si Caprionne! His brother pointed it out for him, and he accepted it without second fu.cking thoughts.

         Tapos heto?

          Damn it.

        What went wrong?

      "I'm sorry, Cerlance. But we can't be together."

      He chose to calm his arse down after hearing what Shellany had said again. Hindi siya maaaring magpakita ng kahit na anong damdamin. Ayaw niyang bigyan ito ng suliranin. "Why not?"

      "Kasi... nasasaktan pa rin ako."

      "It's not making any sense, Shellany. You can't be with me because you're still hurting? I don't know what it meant."

      "It means I still have feelings for my ex. And me having this feeling while I am with you is a great betrayal. I don't want to be with you just because we had fun in the past few days. I want to be with you because it is you that I want. And it's not you who I want to be with, Cerlance. I was lonely and vulnerable and you happen to be there. Hindi ko namalayang... ginagawa na pala kitang panakip-butas."