Hating You to Love Me

19. Ashley

My eyes sting with tears while I stare blankly at my feet. I had asked Elena the same question twice and she hadn't responded once. "Please say something." I tell her and she sighs.

"I don't have anything to say except that you are a bitch." She said through gritted teeth and before she could even get up and leave, I hold her wrist.

"I am fine with you punching me in the face and telling me what I did wrong but not you leaving without a conclusion of this awkward talk." My breath was ragged, I wouldn't let her go until she clarified why it had all happened. Alex was stubborn enough, not her.

But unlike Alex and I, Elena was sensible. She had never held any grudge about our past and I would never want her to. That'd be awful. We haven't seen each other in a long time. She didn't once meet me in these three years. Even at events, she parted ways as soon as she saw me. She was always running away from me as if everything was my fault. And it wasn't.

She turned around looking at my hand before her eyes turned to my face. "Listen you bitch, even if you need a beating. Then let's do it right. See me tomorrow at the boxing centre by 5. I bet those skills of yours have faded away with time."

"Only if you will promise to listen and answer." I retort as relief filled my chest. My tears as if disappeared when I smirked at her letting her wrist go. She rolled her eyes walking off. Finally I get to do something about this. If not Alex, his sister was a better option to start with.

I stood there contemplating what just happened, what had happened and what was going to happen. That was when Alex returned, still carrying Ash in his arms. She was smiling for some reason. He let her down and I just stared at her. She was so cute, I could see Elena in her. Her features to her cuteness. Thank god she didn't inherit any of the bastard's trait who left Elena pregnant. Of fuck I need the tea so bad but that's only possible after I had my fight.

I was lost in my thoughts not knowing I worn that sad and an amused expression all at the same time. "Still want to punch me in the face with your lips" He said tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. I looked up at him. That handsome heck of a man was even handsome when showing tad bit of concern.

"I have a boxing match with Elena tomorrow. It's gonna be fun." I said as I bent down to pick a cube of watermelon and stuffing it in my mouth. He stood there astonished.
"You really bring the worst out of her." He said as he took a seat on the couch, crossing his arms ans legs.

"And it's always for the best." I didn't want to argue with him. Not yet. My mood had darkened as soon as I thought about how he avoided talking about the subject he wanted me and Elena to clarify on our own.

There was silence between us. I just sat next to him continuing my crochet flowers and he just watched me do it. He was starting to have interest in how to do it because just a few minutes later he shifted closer to me on the couch. "I have thirty minutes left before a meeting. Show me how you make that flower." He said as he pulled me back. I was now sitting between his legs with him leaning forward with his head on my shoulder, staring at my hands as I worked my way to finish the flower.

My heart was beating faster than ever but then something shifted in the atmosphere once I realised how we were supposed to act. Was this an act? I looked around and I didn't see Rachel. Was this really about pretending to be his girlfriend?

"Don't stop Peach." He said as his hands reached for mine. That's when I realised I had stopped. I slowly got back at it. He just sat there pointing out stuff and asking why I was doing it. I answered each of his questions pretty nicely. For the first in the longest times, we were nice to each other. More so, it was so intimate literally spending time with each other.

I turned my head to look back at him and he was smiling gently. My eyes ran across his face, finally I saw the Alex I had once loved, I had fallen for, I had loved. The caring side of him. My smile dropped as my eyes fell on his lips once again. Fuck it was never enough. How furiously I kissed him ran through my mind. I was totally crazy but it was so worth it.

I was lost for a few seconds. I didn't know it until I heard grandma clearing her throat, bringing me out of trance. I could feel my cheeks heat up, almost burning under his intense stare. I looked back down and continued with crochet. Alex stood up abruptly. "Work time ladies. See you later in the evening." He muttered as he waved at Rachel and left. There was a sudden loss of warmth and I didn't quite like it.

I looked at Rachel and she was smiling ear to ear. "Well, I had been watching you all this time. You are so in love with him Ashley. I love it, reminds me when I was falling for his grandfather." She said and my heart skips a beat before I nodded lightly. I couldn't defend myself.

"Alexander had always had a special bond with his grandfather ever since he was young. We lost him around six years ago. Whenever Alex is around I feel like his grandfather is. They share features and behaviour." She smiles while sipping on her cup of tea.

"Yea, Alex used to tell me all the time about his grandfather. How he had learnt about roses, love and affection from him. It was always very beautiful to have him talk his heart our." I didn't realise how I got lost again. I was zoning out a lot since last couple days.

I couldn't help but think of when Alex and I had started dating each other three years ago. It was beautiful, we'd have so much to talk about. No arguments, just sharing of mutual thoughts. I'd feel so much at ease when he was around. He was a patient listener but he was cute a fun speaker. I loved hearing him talk about literature and his tales as a teenager. He was a mix of a wild playboy and a tamed good guy. I loved both the sides of him. I adored it but in the past I had lost touch with his real self.

Alex I knew was lost in the coldness and heat. He wasn't the Alex I had loved. Until I had stepped into this deal with him, I didn't think I'd ever get a chance again. I was finally ready to give everything up, my whole career to get away from him. To get the burden of our relationship off us but here I was. Back to the emotional Ashley, who had a huge ass crush on Alex.

I sighed as my thoughts ended and that's when I noticed Rachel's stare. "Ashley, you zone out a lot. Is something bothering you?" She genuinely looked concerned but there was a hint of suspiciousness in her voice and I felt as if she could see through me.

"Oh no, it's nothing much. Just some work stress, I keep thinking about the classes. I haven't prepared for them yet and we'll leave in a few days. Just that keeps my head occupied. Alex hates mistakes in work." I didn't lie. It was partly true. I wasn't completely honest. I couldn't possibly tell her what was upsetting me again and again. My past. Our past. I gave her a small smile.

"Let's finish these flowers. We have to make ten more." Rachel says, smoothly changing the topic. "And eat your food. Who knows you might just be pregnant with all that tension between you two." She said and I choked on air.

I looked up. "No-" and that's when I realised, she was pulling my leg.

"I saw him carrying you like a baby last night while you kept showering his faces with kisses on the way to your room." She said leaning back, taking another sip. And another. I just stared blankly at her face. A thousand thoughts. Out of them a thousand questions ran through my head.

My lips parted. "I am sorry, what?" I covered my mouth with my fingers brushing my lips in surprise. Rachel shrugged. "You are trouble, don't drink too much wine ever again. You were screaming on top of your lungs 'Alex please I want you.' Something like that."

My other hand also clasped on my mouth. "No I didn't." My face was burning. I could think of myself like that when I was drunk. I didn't remember a thing and I thought I must have blacked out. Embarrassment and shame ran through me. Did I really say all of that?

I covered my face and I heard a deep laugh from Rachel's side. "It's fine, I have been caught moaning on the dining table." She said sipping her wine once again.

I bit my lip. "You were really wild." I told her and myself. I wasn't aware to whom was I referring. All I knew was that I could not face Alex after this. Not with these false memories that filled my head now.