Hating You to Love Me

29. Ashley

I felt the tinging in my nose as I frowned. What a weird ass feeling it was. I threw my head back on the couch as I sniffed again and again. The loud music of the party started fading somewhere away while my eyes remained fixed on the ceiling. The pain in my heart disappeared and my vision blurred. A smile broke on my face. I was numbing to everything around me. The flashing blue and red lights around the whole room were fading away. I was forgetting about my own thoughts just a second ago as I drifted into the world of ecstasy.

This is how I felt when I was with Alex. Well fuck him for not being here. I could feel my own heartbeat rising to an extent it was getting hard to breathe. I stepped up from the couch. My vision was blurry. I couldn't see straight, I felt as if everything around me collapsing. "Fuck." I muttered as I felt a laugh rising in my belly.

I pushed my way through the crowd. There he was, I saw his silhouette amongst the crowd. I ran towards him, I grabbed his face in my hands plunging myself towards him. "Fuck.. Alex.. I-"
My words came to a halt and so did my heart. He wasn't Alex. I pushed him away.

"Fuck." I held my hands in my head. I felt ringing in my ears. My heart was as if going to explode, as if I was nearing a stroke. I started losing my vision as I stumbled around into various shoulders and chests. The blue and red lights making it harder to see anything clearly. And then I felt it the black dots appearing until I had lost my vision and senses completely. I remembered mumbling Alex's name until I slipped into the darkness.
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"What's wrong with you Ashley?" My mom yelled at me as her tears rolled down her cheeks. I was crying too at the sight of her. She hugged my father who was caressing her back. "And Ashley, please tell us what is bothering you. We are your parents, we are always there for you honey."

I pushed myself into the corner of the couch biting the sleeve of my jacket.  I felt guilt filling me from inside. What do I tell them? Should I? I couldn't hold my sobs inside as I cried my heart out. I felt my mom's warmth engulf me as she pulled me in for a hug. "I was so scared Ashley, when Michael called us. He... he coincidentally found you there. He saved your life. If it weren't for him god knows  what would have..." she paused as she kissed the top of my head.

I sniffed. "Mom.. I miss Alex." I told her finally. I looked at her. "It hurts to think of him, to know that he wouldn't come back. His mother wouldn't let him see me. It was my fault, the accident and... and he would hate me.. always. He wouldn't love me anymore. I.." I couldn't continue. My hands were shaking. I felt my heart aching from
the pain I was holding within.

"Oh Honey. I am sure Alex loves you as much as he did before. He told you he loved you right? He didn't say he never loved you. About his mother, it'd take some time but we all would be fine in the end. Do you think Alex would want to see you this way? He would hate to find out that the person is loved is doing something that could kill them." My mother made me look in her eyes.

"You are doing this to avoid the pain. Don't, the more you run away from the storm, the longer you'd stay in it. The more you run towards it, the less time you spend getting through it." She wiped my tears that kept streaming down my face.

She grabbed my hands in hers as I felt her warmth. My dad's eyes were fixed on me as I looked at him. He sighed. "Don't do this to yourself Ashley. Pack your stuff, we'd move you to the rehabilitation for a month honey. I know you can do this. Just a month, and Michael would be your incharge too. He would help you like he did when you were younger. Please honey. We love you and Alex does too."