Sons of Anarchy Imagines Part 2

Lost Yourself - Juice

Warning: mentions of miscarriage

Description: Juice's girlfriend took off at the lowest point in their relationship without so much as a goodbye. Now she's back and wanting to talk.

I tensed as I stepped onto the lot. I hadn't been here in ages. I missed the life though. I'd grown up with the club and I needed to come back to it. That's why I made the decision to drop everything and come home.

I walked up to the clubhouse doors. There was a long line of bikes so I assumed there was a church meeting going on inside.

I opened the door and a younger guy behind the bar immediately gave me a weird look.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm a Teller," I said. "Gemma and JT's niece."

"Gemma's in the kitchen. Jax and Clay are in church."

I thanked him and headed around the corner of the door frame and into the kitchen.

"Hi aunt Gemma," I said. She turned to look at me and immediately came over to pull me into a hug.

"I'm so glad you're back baby," she said, holding me.

"It's good to be home," I said.

It fell silent and she looked over at me. I was too busy looking at the wall of mugshots. His face was still looking back at me.

"He's still around," Gemma said.

I nodded a little and ran a hand through my hair.

"I had the feeling he would be. I'm over it Gem. He was a prospect. I was nineteen."

"He misses you. Asks about you a lot," she said.

"I miss him too Gem."

"You lost yourself and needed to find her again baby. We all know that. Did you find her?" I nodded a little and Gemma wrapped her arm around my shoulders. "That's all that matters baby. Are you ready to face him?"

"I need to apologize. I ran off-."

The doors to chapel opened and out walked the Puerto Rican that had been my boyfriend when he was a prospect. He had more tattoos now, and he seemed to have hit the gym. He was laughing at something Chibs had said. They walked away a bit but Chibs saw me and hit Juice's shoulder, motioning to me.

He froze, his lips immediately falling from his bright smile to a frown.

"Can we talk?" I asked as my eyes watered. I didn't think seeing him would bring it all back in such a big way.

"Fuck, what're you doing here?"

"I had to come home," I said.

"You just left. We agreed we'd get through it together and then you fucking up and left me here (Y/N)."

"I know and I'm sorry Juice," I said.

"Two years, four months and six days."

Of course he'd know exactly how long I'd been gone.

"I know," I said. "And I should've talked to you and told you I needed to figure out how to handle it on my own. I should've called. I'm so sorry Juice."

"You didn't need to handle it on your own. We both lost our fucking kid," he yelled. "We needed to get through that shit together."

"I know Juice," I said. I hated that he was just screaming it for all to hear. Every pair of eyes in the clubhouse was on us but to my knowledge only Gemma knew what had happened between us.

"What's going on?" Jax asked. He treated me like a younger sister so he was probably worried. I just shook my head.

"Doesn't matter to you."

"This public argument does though."

"Most of em know (Y/N)." I glared at Juice and nodded.

"Before I left, I was pregnant. It was kind of an accident but Juice and I were looking forward to being parents. I had a miscarriage. That's why I left. I needed to fix myself."

"I wanted to be there for you. Wanted you there for me," Juice said. He stormed off out the door and I followed him.

"Juan," I said softly. He tensed on his bike seat. "I need you to know I'm sorry I left. I've missed you every day I was gone. I never quit loving you."

"Me either. That's why this hurts." He turned to face me. "Don't you get it? You can't just waltz back in here like you weren't MIA for two years."

"I know."

"I need a few days. Can we talk about this later?"

"Yeah," I said. "Gemma knows how to contact me just let her know when you're ready to talk again."

He just nodded and drove off, my heart leaving with him. I collapsed onto the ground near the fence and cried, staring up at the darkening sky, praying things would be okay for me for the first time in a long time. I knew it'd take time but I didn't want it to. I wanted this all to go away like a bad dream. I'd pinch myself and it'd be over. Unfortunately the last two and a half years had been a bad dream.