𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐨𝐧 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 {𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺 𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘣𝘳𝘢 𝘬𝘢𝘪}

• 𝐛𝐢𝐠 𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 •

𝑫𝒂𝒉𝒍𝒊𝒂𝒉'𝒔 𝑷𝑶𝑽:
"You know I cannot answer that." Illa repeated, making me groan in impatience.

"Wouldn't it be so amazing if you did though?" I asked for another time. Illa was chill, Dr Freya was a real hardass.

Illa sighed and looked at me dead in the eye. "I cannot tell you when to forgive Hawk because I am not you. You forgive him when your heart can stop feeling hate whenever you're near him." She replied.

I was angrily triggered by this. "What, just forgive and forget? Like nothing happened?" I asked, shocked at such a suggestion.

Illa shook her head. "No, Dahliah. His actions cannot be changed and you shouldn't be made to forget about them. However, it is unhealthy to hate him, or anybody for that matter. Didn't you say that Cobra Kay dojo made you hate people and inevitably, yourself? Don't you want to break that cycle?"

Damn, she's good.

I pursed my lips and nodded. She was right. Surprise, surprise.

"Forgiveness isn't a crime. It doesn't erase the actions of the past, it just lets the anger and hatred become the past and not eat at you everyday. I think you've started to forgive Hawk for what he's done, you just don't want to believe it." Illa replied, looking at me with a pointed gaze and a knowing look.

I was about to fire back, but she wasn't crazy. Hawk had been nothing but nice to me for the last week and I had begun to hate him drastically less.

Hawk would open doors, spar with me, help Via out and we even started to indulge in playful banter. It was scary how quickly I was getting back to normal.

Illa didn't say anything but observed me for a moment. Sometimes I felt like she could read my mind, or at least had some type of insider information on me.

"Why do you try to hold grudges on people longer than you feel angry at them? You're not an aggressive or hateful person by nature; there's something else." She draws conclusion.

I rolled my eyes and thought of her evaluation. It was so true, but I had never really thought of it.

"I guess I just.." I begun, but I was scrambling for words. "I don't know."

I didn't want to look up from my hands, so I continued to fiddle with them for a solid 45 seconds. Silence filled the room as my therapist did what they do; listen.

I managed to find a few words to shove together to form some kind of sentence. "What if I regret it?" I ask, looking at Illa for answers.

"Regret what?" She asked, looking at me with a tilted expression.

I bit my tongue for a moment before answering. "I don't know, what if I forgive Hawk and he hurts me again? What if Sam hurts me again? W-what it Tory decides to go after me? I am just so sick of everyone hurting me!" I let out, a tear slipping down my cheek, which I angrily wiped away.