saudade | s.j.

twenty-two

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Scarlett's POV

I enter the room and find Y/N watching food network while trying to feed herself.

"The green suits you."

God really Scarlett...a compliment about her dark green cast...classic. Her head snaps towards me, her eyes look as if she's seen a ghost.

"You came."

I nod and sit down in the chair next to her bed. "I mean when two police officers come banging at your door at four in the morning...you kinda just go with it."

I guess that she can feel my staring at her body because she clears her throat and speaks up, "Two broken ribs, a broken arm, a mild concussion, and some scars from the glass. It could've been worse."

"You're right it could've been. What were you doing out at that time? You're a good driver how the hell did you crash on a virtually empty highway?"

"I just lost control of the wheel. I was trying to change the song and wasn't paying attention to the road."

"You're lying Y/FN."

"Oh the full name. No Scarlett. You don't get to tell me what I am. You can leave. Don't waltz in here thinking you're holier than thou just because I got in a accident."

"I'm your emergency contact you idiot. I was called here. I'm here. I'd rather be anywhere else knowing that you just crashed because you can't stay off your phone. Did you do this because we broke up? We're you trying to hurt yourself?"

"Oh my god why does everyone think that? The nurses, the doctors, Robert, even Kevin! I have to sit around all day in the stupid hospital with this orange band around my wrist just so nurses can see that I'm on suicide watch, when that's not even why I crashed!"

I look down and notice the bands on her wrist orange, yellow, and green. I grab her wrist and pull it up closer, "What do they mean? Is this what the officers were saying about the state you're in?"

"Orange here is for suicide watch. Yellow here is for fall risk. Green is...well green is for drugs."

"Like you're allergic to drugs?"

She chuckles, "No I wish. It's so they know not to give me any."

There's a small moment of silence before she continues on.

"Scarlett, I was high. That's why I crashed. The only reason I'm not in jail right now is Robert." I feel like her words are choking me. Did she just say she was high? I take a deep breath and look at her face.

"I don't have a problem if that's what's you're thinking. I just...lost control."

"And that's a problem. If you were so high that you lost control of a vehicle that big you're not okay. It's time to get help before it's too late." I gently rub her arm in comfort as I can see the conflict raging through her head.

"I didn't think...I didn't think I would ever get bad like this. I can't wake up in the morning without popping a few pills and smoking. I use a few lightly but I don't want to be like this, it reminds me of my ex. She introduced me to all of this shit, except the weed but I don't want this. I've just been having a rough time and instead of talking to anyone I fell back on what I knew."

Tears begin to stream down her face as she admits her problem to me. I know she's strong and can get help before it become worse.

"Okay then let's get you help Y/N. I want to see you get better."

I kiss her cheek and wipe the tears away. She nods her head and takes a sip of water. I begin to get cold and start unpacking my bag to get my blanket.

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Y/N's POV

I've really fucked up. I want to blame everyone but me, at the end of the day though, it's my fault. There's a long silence between us, only the sound of MasterChef flowing through the dimly lit hospital room.

"Um Scar...Do you think once I get help and am feeling a lot better that we could try again? That I can see Rose again? I miss both of you and I regret what I did so much you don't even know."

I turn my head to face her pure green eyes but she won't look at me.

"Not right now Y/N. I don't think right now or later...I think we uh just need time. I'm going to stay with you today but I called Lizzie and Chris to come after today. Kevin told me that he moved scenes around so that all the rest of yours will be filmed towards the end of our time here. Even though you'll be in an outpatient program, it takes up all your time and that's what your focus should be on. Um...they should be at your house right now and by the time you are able to leave the hospital everything will be ready. Robert already has your truck in the shop getting repaired."

I turn my head back in sadness. She doesn't even want to talk about it. I feel my breath start to get heavy. The room is spinning. Why can't I catch my breath? The monitors start going crazy and the room goes black, the last thing I hear is Scarlett calling my name.

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"Ms. Y/LN. You had a severe panic attack. Was there anything that may have triggered that?"

I look around the room as the doctors and nurses all look at me in pity. As I look, so realize Scarlett is no longer here and all of her stuff is gone.

"No. Nothing. You all may leave so I can get back to my show. I will press my little red button if I feel like killing myself or popping pills or falling over as you all have labeled me accordingly with these stupid wristbands."

They all shuffle out quietly and I pick up my phone to call Robert. I see a notification from Scarlett with a short message.

I had to leave. I'm sorry.

I roll my eyes and call Robert. He of course picks up after the first ring.

"Hey kid. How are you holding up?"

I hear his voice and immediately begin to cry.

"I miss my parents. I miss you. I miss the kids. I just want to go home. I fucked up. Scarlett still won't even look at me the same. I told her the truth and she still hates me."

I hear him sigh.

"I miss you too kid. Listen. You're going to get a lot of help, we are all here for you, Kevin isn't upset, we all love you and understand. Your parents should be here in a week or so and that's just more love. As for Scarlett. Kid, maybe it's time to let her go. I talked to her, Lizzie talked to her, Chris, Ruffalo, jesus even Mackie. Maybe she just needs time truly. The incident was small but maybe to her it meant more. One day, maybe she will be able to get over it and see you like how everyone else does again."

I start to calm down a bit as I listen to Robert. He has always known how to calm me down.

"You're brave, you're strong, you're loved, you're one of my blessings in this world so I need you to fight and get better. If you don't...who else will I be able to mess with on set? Who else can I go get tacos with a midnight when the kids are all asleep and the wife is up reading those novels that just seem to never end?"

I let out a chuckle even though it hurts super bad, it mentally made me feel a bit better.

"Look, get some rest and I will be over to visit you as soon as the sun rises and the morning traffic dies down."

"Ok Robbie."

I hear him laugh as the call ends. I smile for a bit and a decide to close my eyes and rest. There's only a few minutes that I get before a loud knock wakens me.

"I told you people to only come if I hit that red button! I didn't hit the red button so leave me alone! Freaking vultures."

I close my eyes and hear the door open. I sit my bed up, ready to curse out whoever decided to welcome themselves into my space.

"I thought I fucking told you gu-"

"Even after these injuries you're still just as vulgar."

A green eyed, ginger haired Lizzie stands in front of me holding a pizza and a backpack. I smile and wave her over.