saudade | s.j.

twenty-four

TRIGGER WARNING!!!
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Scarlett's POV

I smile as Y/N covers her mouth in shock at her abrupt statement. I nod my head, "It's okay, I missed you too. I know there's a lot to talk about."

"Yea."

"I forgive you Scarlett. People may think it's dumb of me to do so but I do. I don't understand what was happening during those times of conflict but I'm at fault as well and I forgive you. I apologize if I did cause you any pain. I apologize for how much this spiraled out of control and for being violent in front of Rose. I love both of you and never want to put you in harms way."

"Hearing that means so much more than you can imagine. Thank you."

Y/N smiles at me and there once again is a room full of thoughts but no sound. I want to tell her everything.

"So I know you read the letter but I feel like I owe you and explanation."

"The floor is open," she says gesturing to the floor.

"Ok so. After all of the mess that I caused. I really fucking missed you. I was afraid to even contact you. I didn't want you to relapse or hurt yourself. I was afraid you hated me. Lizzie told me to give you time...that you had little energy to be focusing on us."

She nods her head and I continue.

"I went back to what I know. I went back to Colin. At first it was just texts and call. He had flown me up to NYC for the weekend for SNL. After that though, I explained that I needed a friend, one that I wasn't working with daily. Um...but at the end of that weekend we got really drunk at a little get together and we slept together. I don't really remember a lot. He said I was really out for most of it."

"Did you give him consent?"

"I mean I took my shirt off."

"Scarlett that's not consent. He assaulted you."

Tears begin to stream down my face uncontrollably as I try to finish my story.

"Yea and after that he started to become very controlling. He actually came down here for a few days and the press got some photos of us. Anyways, he started to hurt me, but before it could get bad Chris and Robert found out and got him out of here. I just...I don't know what happened to him."

"Oh Scarlett. It's okay. He's gone now and I'm here. I'm here and I'm going to protect you and Rose."

She wipes the tears from my face and I flinch away forgetting about my black eye. Yes. My black eye, courtesy of Colin's exit from my life party. Y/N grabs my face back and begins to smear the make up away. Her mouth is open in bewilderment.

"Colin." I say in disappointment, while gesturing to my face.

I feel her body grow hot with anger. She wraps her arms around my waist and pulls me in tight like she's never letting go. I nuzzle myself into her chest and she whispers into my ear, "I'm never leaving." Y/N hesitates as she pulls away from me and places her hands on my waist. Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Scar...?," she says in confusion as she lifts up my sweatshirt to find a tiny bump. The tears begin again as my thoughts immediately go to her leaving me.

"You're pregnant." I look up at her and she's got a small smile on her face.

"You're smiling," I state in utter confusion. "You know how this happened right?"

She nods and places her hands on either side of the bump. This isn't the reaction I expected. I mean hell...I wasn't expecting to keep it but here we are.

"I found out just two weeks ago. I wasn't going to keep it and then I thought about Rose and how she was asking for a sibling. I thought about how just because of who the father is doesn't mean I can't raise this child and love and care for it."

Y/N nodded at my explanation.

Y/N nodded once again, "I think you made the right decision. You're an amazing mother to Rose already. You have great friends, including me. You have a village that will surround this baby with love."

"You're not mad?"

Y/N stands up and engulfs me in a hug, "I'm not mad. Why would I be mad about a decision you made about your life? Now what I am mad about is Colin and what he did to you."

It feels like all my troubles disappear when Y/N holds me. I break down in her arms and she picks me up and sits me in her lap on the bed. "Do you want to do anything about it?"

"I went with my assistant to get a restraining order so for now I think that's all I want. I just need to focus on staying calm and healthy for this baby."

I feel Y/N nod to my words as she begins rocking me back and forth. Maybe having her back around won't be so bad. I need and want her back. I just hope I'm not too late.