saudade | s.j.

twenty-six

———————

Y/N's POV

Just as I'm rubbing in some body oil and adding finishing touches to my hair, my doorbell rings. Just as she said, 25 minutes later, Scarlett is at my doorstep.

"Good afternoon birthday girl."

"Good afternoon...not birthday girl."

I laugh at her attempt to find a quick nickname for me. She shrugged her shoulders and stepped inside.

"Let me just get my coat and we can go."

"No hat?"

I laugh at her question. I never wear hats, my hair is too thick and curly for them. My grandma passed the hair down. I love it...except on wash day.

"Unfortunately hats don't fit on this hair."

"Luckily we don't have a long walk." She grabs my arm after I lock my door and we begin our walk to Elizabeth's house.

Our walk was fairly quiet besides the howls of the wind and faint traffic in the distance. As we get to the pathway leading to Lizzie's house, Scarlett freezes.

"Do you think they'll hate me?"

"Scarlett, they wouldn't be doing this if they hated you. They just want to see you happy again. I promise everyone in there wants to see you and is excited to celebrate you. Forget everything that's happened the last few months. This birthday is a restart button. Let's enjoy tonight."

"This is the last time I go through a birthday while pregnant." I laugh and put my hand on her belly. "It'll be worth it in the end."

She nods and we continue towards the door. "You smell good by the way."

I smile at her compliment and knock on the door. I kiss her hand just as the door is opened by none other than Anthony. Who already looks like he's had one too many glasses of wine. "Happy birthday Scarlett!" He picks her up as he hugs her and begins swinging her back and forth. I notice her face gets worried and she reaches for her belly. I intervene and tap Anthony on his shoulder.

"Am I just trash to you Mackie?" I joke and flick his forehead. "Y/N! Everyone Y/N is back!" All three of us walk into the living room where all of our friends were conversing. The room went quiet as everyone turned their head to me in shock. "Guys let's not be awkward about this...come on it's me." I open my arms and Cobie runs into them at full speed, almost knocking me over.

"Y/N you complete and utter dumbass! You scared me. I've missed you so much." She cries into my shoulder and I hold her tight as I remember how good our hugs always are. Everyone comes over to greet me...except Lizzie. I wave at her and she turns her head. Uh okay what the hell...

————

Scarlett's POV

Everyone was happy to see Y/N, but surprisingly were happy to see me too. I got so many happy birthdays and I love yous. It made me feel great. The party has been going on for about an hour now and I've been eating everything with Evans. He's the only person besides Lizzie and Y/N who knows about my pregnancy so he decided to eat with me so it didn't look weird that I was the only one hanging out with the food. I felt a bit off though. Even with the party being at Lizzie's house, she seems standoffish toward me. Matter of fact...I haven't seen her or Y/N in a while.

Excusing myself from the party to "go to the bathroom", I climb up the stairs to look for Y/N. I hear voices in the office and stop to listen.

I hear Lizzie's voice, she sounds upset and stressed. "You just started getting better! This isn't going to help you Y/N."

"Lizzie, nothing is going on. We just came together as friends." I felt a pang in my chest when Y/N said that. She's right though...we just became friends again. I doubt a relationship is anywhere close in the future.

"I've stood by you day and night. Jesus, Aubrey went back to LA and ended our relationship because I was so worried and fixated on you."

"Lizzie...I'm sorry I didn't know. But nothing is going on. I'm single. I'm focusing on getting healthy and back to work. I promise."

There was a brief silence.

"You know I know what that letter said."

I slap myself in the forehead. I forgot I asked Lizzie to read over the letter.

"Lizzie what do you want me to say? What can I do to make you feel better?"

Lizzie huffs out in annoyance, probably rolling her big green eyes at Y/N's question.

"Leave her alone. Leave her alone if you want to get better. She made her decisions and look at where she's at now. I don't want you to get healthy and then be engulfed into her life and choices because you feel obligated."

"Alright can we go back to the party now?"

I start to step slowly back down the stairs, while still trying to listen. I cannot get caught eaves dropping.

"I don't want to. I want to lay down."

"Can I lay with you? I'm exhausted."

"Of course."

It felt like my heart fell into a million pieces. Is this what Y/N felt all these months? I feel awful. I turn and rush downstairs and back into the party as if nothing happened.

I hear Mark is on the tail end of his ninth birthday speech for the night and decide it's time for my first.

"Attention everyone!"

Everyone turns towards me in curiosity. Jesus what am I gonna say? I hate public speaking.

"I have some news..."

———————