Barrow's Boy - A Downton Abbey Fanfiction

The Journal Entries of Theodore Barrow

April 15, 1924

     Look, I don't know if anyone is ever going to read this journal, but, if someone does, whether it be my future self or my children or some random person who stole it, please forgive my utter lack of optimism. Also, if you happen to be the last person, give it back.

     Everett and Abi still go strong, it seems. She mentioned during our debate practice today that they were planning to go to the theatre this weekend. I had to find my own acting skills to prevent myself from screaming.

     On top of that, Dad is ill, Green is haunting me from the dead, and I feel like my entire life is falling apart. But if anyone asks, I am fine. Because why would I be anything else?

April 19, 1924

     Something is seriously wrong with Dad. I don't know what. He refuses to answer my questions. Baxter knows nothing. 

     God, I wish Jimmy was here. He would be able to get the answer out of him. In fact, I think Dad wishes Jimmy were here too. 

     Is it wrong of me to be angry with Jimmy? He said he would try to write, but now, months later, we have no signs of any letters. Now, when I desperately need his advice. I know that I could ask other people, but what could they do? It's not like Rose can go and demand to know my Dad's medical history.

April 25, 1924

     My medical books have nothing that matches Dad's symptoms. Trust me, I've looked. And looked again. And triple-checked as if I didn't make a thorough search the first two times.

    The flu, the plague, whatever it is, feels simultaneously like a sick joke and something as bad as a growing tumour. 

     I'm growing seriously concerned. I mean, I already was, but everything is just getting worse. I can't figure this out and I feel stupid and hopeless and nobody else seems to care.

     Sometimes I wonder how I ever respected some of these people. My father is dying. I may not know everything, but I can conclude that if nothing else. And what do they say? Nothing. Nothing at all. They don't care. And I wish I could scream in their faces. If Thomas Barrow dies and they did nothing, I will never forgive them. Aunt Phyllis and I can live and find some people who actually care.

     I can't wait to get out of this place. Medical school couldn't come soon enough. And I will get in. I will, even if it is just to prove that my education isn't a waste of time, or nothing compared to Daisy's studies. Ah yes, star pupil Daisy. They can admire her all they want, I don't care anymore. Talk to me again when she's won awards for her studies.

April 30, 1924

     I tried going to Percy's today to talk to him about the Evergail issue. I saw him standing outside with Ruth and his new goat, Bartholomew. Around him were Eleanor, Katherine, Abigail and Everett. Abi and Everett held hands. 

     I turned around and walked back to the Abbey.

May 1, 1924

     I skipped dinner tonight. I couldn't look at those people. Not with everything that's happened. That's still happening.