𝐇𝐢𝐬 𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐞

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐲-𝐅𝐢𝐯𝐞

~Thursday 28th December - 12:34 am ~

It had been only days since... what happened and already Anastasia had managed to take her body count far into the double digits. She wasn't herself, and that was all my fault. I accepted that when she told me she was unsure if she could ever forgive me. I knew she just wanted to move on, it was painful for her. It was for me too, I just needed her to let me explain. 

Just once.

But she doesn't, who could blame her? I look like the asshole here, in fact, I am the asshole here, I know that. She was an angel, one far too good for this putrid world, and that led me here. I had been tailing her everywhere she went, even just down to Thalia's grave. She had been there 3 times since Christmas, 3 times. It had been almost four days now, and if I could, I would do anything to take it back.

I had to admit that in the space of those three days, I had developed my old drinking habits again, I didn't go more than a minute without my mouth full of the toxic liquid. It was bad.

But it was my only outlet, pretty much everyone had turned on me, if I could, I would too. I fucking loved Anastasia, I hadn't told her that as much as she had deserved but by the time I realized how much those words really meant, it was too late, the girl that I couldn't live without had long since resented me. I had let her see the darkest parts of me, and she treated them with her grace, she loved me so clearly, and she trusted me.

Too much.

She trusted me so fucking much.

All I had to do was trust her love, she did love me. 

I knew that but still couldn't accept it.

I showed her a monster that was no longer a part of me, and let it ruin her, which ruined me.

I entered this marriage out of hate, revenge even; yet I couldn't bare to let her go. I needed her more than the oxygen I breathe because I didn't want to breathe that air without the smell of her perfume when she woke up in my arms, I don't want to hear her delicate laugh when she can't help but laugh.

My mind flicked to another time.

A happier one.

Anastasia lays her soft head across my chest, her leg curled around mine, with her gorgeous hair shining in the sunlight as it breaks through the pale blue curtains at dawn, letting her know it was time to wake up. The feeling of her burying her head deeper into my chest was still there, I feel it still, sat on this old barstool as I watch the woman I love, dance with a group of horny boys, all in their polo shirts and washed-out jeans that their father's money bought them. 

Their hands traced my girl's body, their hands on the things that I used to touch. 

Groping her as if she were some sort of creature, something that wasn't human, something so common.