A taste of freedom

Chapter 52

   "Just go Y/n." I swallowed the lump in my throat and stood up from my chair. "Ace, I-"
"No! Just go away! I don't want to see you anymore." Ace whipped his head in my direction and pointed to the door. I grit my teeth as tears slipped from the corners of my eyes. I turned and left the room, letting out one more "I'm sorry." I trudged my way to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I sank to the ground in tears at the realization that I'm no longer Ace's older sister. At least, that's the way he sees it. He has a right to. I don't know how long I cried for but it was long enough for my eyes to sting and people to come looking for me. There was multiple attempts to get into the bathroom at the sound of sobbing, none successful.

    "Y/n! Are you in there? It's me Lily!" I groaned as more muffled sobs escaped my mouth "go away!" My voice cracked at the attempt to yell. "Y/n! Please let me in! Talking about something helps." I cried harder. I don't want to talk about anything. I just want my mom. Mama. I can't believe I forgot about her. I just want her to hug me while I cry into her shoulder. "I can help you Y/n." I heard Lily slide down and sit against the bathroom door. "Just talk to me" more gurgled cries echoed in the bathroom. "Everything is falling apart around me. All the bad things that have happened are my fault! Ace hates me, Ray and the others left me here because I'm to weak, I'm forgetting everything, and I'm losing my humanity! God I can't even eat because I'm becoming a fucking demon! They only way I can stay human is by eating other humans."

    "Oh Y/n... everything bad isn't your fault-"
"Yes it is!" I cried "name something bad that's happened because of anyone else!" Lily fell silent and I scoffed while wiping my nose. "But think about all the good things you've done for everyone." I rolled my eyes which she couldn't see. "Lily, my bad out ways the good by a whole fucking lot." I carefully stood up and looked at my puffy eyes in the mirror, tears staining my cheeks. "God, at this rate it would be better if I just keeled over and died. Better for everyone actually." I heard Lily stand up hurriedly. "Y/n don't say stuff like that! It's not true! Everyone needs you here even if you don't believe it." I let her words go in one ear and out the other. They don't matter anyways. "Lily I don't give a damn anymore."

    I unlocked the bathroom door and swung it open. "I'm dying anyway so just leave me the fuck alone." I brushed past Lily who still held an open mouth. There was a time, I think, where I would've made joke about her expression but that's not me anymore. I'm dying because I'm not eating and I have to eat humans to stay a human. I'm not a human anymore, I probably never will be. But while I'm alive, I'm causing so many bad things to happen. Ace wouldn't hate me if I hadn't- 'just shut up, your annoying me' I clutched my head as the pounding voice of my "conscious" echoed through mind. I had made it to my room so it was safe to fall to my knees, so I did. "Go away!" I yelled out loud but the voice just got louder, but never saying anything directly to me. The voice only muttered all of the bad things it could conjure, one sentence always clawing away at my sanity. "It's always your fault."

"Haven't I given enough!? Enough to fix everything?" I broke down again and slumped onto the floor. I saw the outline of a stuffed bunny from the fetal position. It looked familiar, though through the haze of crying and my memory chipping away, I couldn't remember. I crawled over to it nonetheless and hugged it, cried into it, and yelled at it. I don't know why but the presence of the stuffed bunny comforted me, even just a little. I stayed in my room for a few days, still not eating. I just stared into nothing while my brain ran wild on it's own. Everyone left me alone so it didn't really matter anyways. I probably scared Lily away like I do everyone else. The only time I ever got up was to use the bathroom and even then, it wasn't much exercise. Not the kind I know I need.

    I'd say I was in my room for around four days until someone finally decided to make a visit. I expected Yuugo or Lily, but instead I was presented with a blonde boy, who's name I couldn't recall. He looked about Lily's age to me. "Who are you?" He chuckled and came to sit next to me on the floor. "Did ya really forget me peaches?" I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my chin on them. "Who knows? I forget a lot of things." The boy hummed in response "you didn't tell me who you are." He leaned back against my bed and let his head hang back. "If I'm already gone from your memory then it's not important." I turned my head to face him and grit my teeth. "What do you want?" The boy finally turned to make eye contact with me.

    "I came to help you out, I always do. When you need it of course." I continued to stare at the boy. He must've been important to me, though I can't remember why or even who he is. "How are you going to help me? There's nothing you can do. There's nothing anyone can do." The boy let out a heavy sigh. "There's a way to help you." My eyes opened wide and I lifted my head. "What do you mean? Is there a person who knows how to help me?" The boy nodded and I turned my whole body to face him. "How? Who is it?" The boy clenched his jaw as he told me. I was surprised at the idea. It's was ingenious really, but definitely not something I want to do. "But I- I thought..." he took a deep breath and gave me a slight smile. "I said I had a way to help your predicament. I didn't say you would like it."

     I sat up from my spot on the floor gasping. I'd fallen asleep, that must've been a dream. Though the boys' words lingered in my brain and I gulped.

                          "I have to go back."