My slice of life

who are you

Just, little precision, in this, I'm talking to my dad, you will see.
🫧✨🪶
How can you even say this ? do you think it's a kind of duty of yours to make me 'realize' I need you ? I know it already since too long. You don't know right ? You think just that as I buy things it's only thanks to you, your money that I'm draining ? I'm not living from the golden things that goes out of you. I have sometimes money of my own, and most all, I see how you're trapping me. How many times did I ask to work, even a bit, just babysitting or anything, only to gain money myself. And now you're reducing me, restraining me to not buy things I want, even though I want it so badly. The problem with you is that when I ask you to buy something for me, and to give you the money, you refuse it. And when I buy things without telling you, you turn mad at me like there's some problem with buying stuff you don't know. I want to cosplay. I deeply, fucking need to cosplay and keep cosplaying, keep going on. It's something I'm craving for since too long. That's my lifesaver. The thing I'm so tightly holding in my arms, so hardly that if I let go I know I'd drawn. And you don't know. You think my needs are the same as yours, you think I don't regret the past life I have since I can cosplay in this new one. What you don't understand is that, if I stop, even a single moment, my head will split and I will fall. Deep down to the very tip of the depth of an ocean. The ocean of my woes. They surround me, but I act as if I don't care, as if they were nothing, because I'm tightly held by my lifesaver. The thing that keep me from the underwater, from the breathless journey, right in the belly of my own tortured feelings.

since forever, a girl in want to kill was lurking inside of me
きらりん