Red and Black Simon Riley x oc

Part 25: Dear simon

Tw: sensitive topics

~Simon's pov~

It's been 3 days since Alia came out of surgery and the doctor said that she will be in a coma. She was transferred to the infirmary on base yesterday so people could monitor her and we could work if we needed to. They don't know when she's going to wake up and to say it's destroying me is an understatement. I haven't showered, ate, or slept unless I was forced too.

Laswell gave us time off until Alia woke up, and she came to visit with her wife. Rudy has been acting weird though. The doctor said she can hear us so he comes in and reads her a bedtime story.

Rudy was sitting in his seat like usual. He had just got done reading and now he's staring at her laid out form.

Simon: how are you so calm with all of this?

Rudy: *sigh* I've done this before. My older sister committed when we were younger. That's why I brought the letters. It's important to know how they feel in their last moments.

Simon: I'm sorry for your loss.

Rudy: it's alright. I better get going now. Take care of yourself Ghost.

Simon: call me Simon.

Rudy: really?

Simon: yeah.

Rudy: alright. Thanks Simon.

Rudy sat an envelope on the table next to me and I looked at it softly. I rubbed my thumb over the small black lettering that was on the outside. I opened the envelope and pulled out a piece of paper. It was long and her hand writing was beautiful. I took in a shaky breath and started reading the note.

𝒟ℯ𝒶𝓇 𝒮𝒾𝓂ℴ𝓃, 
ℐ 𝓀𝓃ℴ𝓌 𝓌ℯ'𝓋ℯ 𝒽𝒶𝒹 ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝒹𝒾𝒻𝒻ℯ𝓇ℯ𝓃𝒸ℯ𝓈, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓃ℴ𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓰 𝒸ℴ𝓊𝓁𝒹 ℯ𝓋ℯ𝓇 𝒶𝓂ℴ𝓊𝓃𝓉 𝓉ℴ 𝓎ℴ𝓊. 𝒩ℴ𝓉 ℯ𝓋ℯ𝓃 𝓉𝒽ℯ 𝓈ℴ𝒻𝓉, 𝒸ℴ𝓁𝒹 𝒽𝒶𝓃𝒹𝓈 ℴ𝒻 𝒹ℯ𝒶𝓉𝒽 𝒸ℴ𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓂𝒶𝓀ℯ 𝓂ℯ 𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓅𝒾ℯ𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓃 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝒹𝒾𝒹. 𝒮𝒾𝓂ℴ𝓃, 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝒶𝓇ℯ 𝓂𝓎 𝓅ℯ𝓇𝓈ℴ𝓃 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓂𝓎 𝓇ℴ𝒸𝓀. ℰ𝓋ℯ𝓇𝓎 𝓂ℴ𝓂ℯ𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 ℐ 𝒽𝒶𝒹 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝓌ℴ𝓇𝓉𝒽 𝓉𝒽ℯ 𝓅𝒶𝒾𝓃 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝒽ℯ 𝓃𝒾𝓰𝒽𝓉𝓂𝒶𝓇ℯ𝓈 ℴ𝒻 𝓂𝓎 𝒸𝒽𝒾𝓁𝒹𝒽ℴℴ𝒹. ℐ 𝓀𝓃ℴ𝓌 𝓌ℯ 𝓁ℴ𝓃𝓰ℯ𝒹 𝒻ℴ𝓇 𝓃ℴ𝓇𝓂𝒶𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓎 𝒶𝓃𝒹 ℐ 𝒸ℴ𝓊𝓁𝒹𝓃'𝓉 𝓰𝒾𝓋ℯ 𝒾𝓉 𝓉ℴ 𝓎ℴ𝓊, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 ℐ 𝒽ℴ𝓅ℯ 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝓁ℴ𝓋ℯ𝒹 𝓂ℯ 𝒶𝓈 𝓂𝓊𝒸𝒽 𝒶𝓈 ℐ 𝓁ℴ𝓋ℯ𝒹 𝓎ℴ𝓊. ℐ 𝒹ℴ𝓃𝓉 𝓀𝓃ℴ𝓌 𝓂𝓊𝒸𝒽 𝒶𝒷ℴ𝓊𝓉 𝓎ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝓊𝓅𝒷𝓇𝒾𝓃𝓰𝒾𝓃𝓰 ℴ𝓇 𝓎ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝒸𝒽𝒾𝓁𝒹𝒽ℴℴ𝒹, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝒻𝓇ℴ𝓂 𝒶𝓃 𝒶𝒷𝓊𝓈ℯ 𝓋𝒾𝒸𝓉𝒾𝓂 𝓉ℴ 𝒶𝓃ℴ𝓉𝒽ℯ𝓇 ℐ 𝓀𝓃ℴ𝓌 𝓉𝒽ℯ 𝓌ℴ𝓇𝓁𝒹 𝒹𝒾𝒹 𝓃ℴ𝓉 𝓀ℯℯ𝓅 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝓈𝒶𝒻ℯ. ℐ'𝓂 𝓈ℴ𝓇𝓇𝓎 𝓉𝒽ℯ 𝓌ℴ𝓇𝓁𝒹 𝒸ℴ𝓊𝓁𝒹𝓃'𝓉 𝓀ℯℯ𝓅 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝓈𝒶𝒻ℯ 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝒽𝒶𝓋ℯ 𝒶𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝒽𝒶𝒹 𝓉ℴ 𝓌𝒶𝓉𝒸𝒽 𝓎ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝒷𝒶𝒸𝓀. ℐ 𝒽ℴ𝓅ℯ 𝓎ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝒿ℴ𝓊𝓇𝓃ℯ𝓎 𝓉ℴ 𝓅ℯ𝒶𝒸ℯ 𝒾𝓈 𝒶 𝓈ℴ𝒻𝓉 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓈𝓊𝓃𝓃𝓎 ℯ𝓍𝓅ℯ𝓇𝒾ℯ𝓃𝒸ℯ. ℐ 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝓉ℴ 𝓀𝓃ℴ𝓌 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 ℐ 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒶𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝒷ℯ 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝓌𝒽ℯ𝓉𝒽ℯ𝓇 ℐ'𝓂 𝒶 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝒹ℴ𝓌, 𝒶 𝓈𝓊𝓃𝓈ℯ𝓉, ℴ𝓇 𝓉𝒽ℯ ℯ𝓎ℯ𝓈 ℴ𝒻 𝒶 𝓃ℯ𝓌 𝒻𝓇𝒾ℯ𝓃𝒹. ℐ 𝓁ℴ𝓋ℯ 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝒮𝒾𝓂ℴ𝓃 𝒶𝓃𝒹 ℐ 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒶𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝒷ℯ 𝒽ℯ𝓇ℯ. 
𝒲𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓁ℴ𝓋ℯ,
𝒜𝓁𝒾𝒶 ℐ𝓋𝒶𝓃ℴ𝓋𝓃𝒶

I looked at her laid out body with glossy eyes and held her hand. I kissed her palm and put my forehead on top of her head.

Simon: the doctor said that you could most likely hear us, so hopefully I don't sound crazy. *sigh* my father was a very bad person. He would often bring dangerous animals home and taunt me with them. He... once made me kiss a snake even when I didn't want to. My father once took me to a bone lickers concert and he made me laugh at a dead prostitute who overdosed on drugs. As of my brother tommy, he would wear a skull-mask at night to scare me.

I let a few tears fall and I could hear the vital signs monitor slightly beat faster.

Simon: Alia can you hear me? Please wake up. I... I can't live without you. Please.

Her vitals started increasing violently and her hand tightened around mine. I quickly hit the emergency button and tried to call for a doctor.  A doctor and a few nurses ran into the room. They immediately tried to give her a drug that would calm her down.

Doctor: sir can you back away from the patient please.

Simon: I-I can't she won't let me go.

Doctor: she's holding your hand?

Simon:yes ma'am.

All of a sudden Alia's eyes open wide as the rest of the boys burst in the door. Alia ripped all of the monitors from her body and violently whipped her head around until her eyes landed on me. She softened her gaze and latched her arms around me. I hugged her back and started sobbing softly.

Alia: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Simon I'll never leave you again.

Simon: it's alright love. It isn't your fault I should have never ignored you. I was never mad at you. I was mad at myself because I couldn't help you when you cut loose and you risked your life for mine.

Alia: I will always risk my life for you and the team. You guys are my family.

Price: Alia Nerova Ivanovna! What the bloody hell were you thinking?!

Alia: I'm sorry captain. I- I just lost my senses.

Price: I am not your captain right now Alia. I am your father figure. Why didn't you talk to me? We made a promise doll.

Alia: I know and I'm sorry. It's just, my mind was constantly telling me to die while my body was trying to survive, and when I went to attempt it felt like... I was already dead.

Price: do you remember what I told you when we first met? You were 11 and still in the red room. We didn't know you were trained at the time. Do you remember?

Alia: yeah. You told me to keep my heart and that pain only makes us stronger.

Price: I know your past and I know you. I see you for you Alia and when you have strong feelings you need to communicate them with me.

Alia: I will I promise. I'm sorry.

Price: it's not your fault doll.

All of a sudden the door banged open and I saw laswell out of breath and with messy hair. Everyone turned towards her and she walked over to price and I.

Price: laswell. You're supposed to be in a meeting.

Laswell: my favorite soldier just woke up you bet your ass I left that meeting as soon as I heard.

Alia: thank you Kate.

Laswell: I brought some stuff. You know my wife is a psychiatrist so she sent me with some stuff that could help you. In this bag there are brochures on helpful resources for mental health, there's a candle that reduces anxiety, and there is a business card for the place that my wife works at. We're not sending you to a mental institution, but you will have to have a psychiatric evaluation before you can go back on the field. Got it?

Alia: yes ma'am

Laswell: don't ma'am me. I'm not that old yet. I gotta get back to that meeting but I love you Alia. You're my favorite soldier!

Alia: love you too!

Laswell sat the bag down and walked out of the door. I sighed and slumped in the hospital bed.