Too Late

30

Her screaming was feeding my frustration I couldn't see anyone just him.

"marcy talk to papa"

A sense of calmness engulfs my tensed body. Lex and leni let go of me I whipped my hair up in a messy bun and straightened my shirt and pants.

"I apologise jojo and Jay"

My voice was hoarse my throat was dryer then the sahara dessert.

Everyone but jojo, Jay, levi and his brothers were here the worse feeling is I heard her saying he was drunk and he slept with her friend at a party and left the same night.

I was too late.

Lex gently placed me near a seat suggesting to sit down I step back leaning against the wall with my hands in my pockets looking at the table,

"mischief?"

I heard her gentle soft voice I couldn't look at the women who I practically looked up to as my other mama, I swallow my pain.

"Marcy look at me please"

My body betrays me obey I look up.

"is this why you cut ties with levi and us?"

I shook my head.

"Why then baby why leave without a goodbye?"

Tears threaten to fall from my eyes it took me years to heal years to forgive myself being naive, trusting and young. I held onto that calmness papa always carried with him, he was a gentle giant he trusted everyone, always smiled always helping others always tending to mama and I.

I stood strong and firm looking at the table.

"it's because what I said the next morning mom"

Levi croaks out looking down at his hands under the table. He sighs heavily I watch Jay stand up and leave then we heard jays voice from the other room.

"I'd like to thank you's for helping us look for our son being there for us it hasn't been unnoticed but right now I need to talk to my family and discuss some long over due matters"

Jojo and the boys eyes soften at me I wiped a tear from my cheek hearing Jay say I was apart of his family I thought sometimes I was a nuisances.

"but I'm his wife I'm apart of this family Jay I need to be here for him"

"yes your his pregnant wife what happened in there was unacceptable Jessica you should know stress harms the baby so drive safely home he'll call you after"

"I'd like to stay"

"not tonight Jess"

Jay's footsteps we're heard and everyone else's the door shuts and in walked jay he pecked his wife on the head as he sat down.

"okay son the table is yours"

I pulled a seat out to sit down Jay smiles at me with a wink.

"we landed -" leni cuts his brother off.

"brother we aint wona know the full Monty details just start when Jess sprung that she was pregnant please"

I excuse myself grabbed everyone a bottle of water for everyone and handed them a drink and joined the conversation.

"ok well when we landed we settled in two days later I booked us a horse ride and when I surprised Jess she freaked out it took me a whole day to get her to talk to me"

He opens his bottle takes a sip

"I was persistent asking her what's the matter why is she acting like a spoilt brat I wasn't going take no for answer she tells me shes pregnant"

He whispers the last word. Lex nods at his brother to carry on.

"and wanted to keep it a secret till we come home I wasnt happy" he looks at jojo "because she never wanted kids till she was older she always made sure we wear protection and I was ok with that she was adament about not having kids now but when she told me she was over the moon but I felt confused I always wear protection and if I didn't "

He glances at me then to Jay

"she was on the pill I was angry because she was always organised on time and very well punctual I got use to it don't get me wrong I hated the constant reminders but I was happy"

I never once looked directly at him.

"she made the honeymoon about the baby and how she can't do this can't eat that and it's to hot to go out I felt trapped what if she was like this when the baby came I had a miserable time and was happy to see lex when he dropped us off I left her and drove to mischief old home "

I felt his eyes burning holes in the side of my face.

"I brought the property this year hoping to see you again and wanted you to know you always had a home I didn't realise how much I ment to you mischief I thought you didn't care I was wrong"

He sighs I look up and all eyes on me again.

"I saw you everyday through the window of your old room at the beach you didn't see me but I was riding the bike wearing a bucket hat I saw you and wanted to hug you and tell you I will be ok I'm ok I just need space I just need to think and I needed to process my life with a child that I wasn't prepared for"

He sips his drink

" but getting back about Jessica she told me a year later after you left when I was already depressed for what I said I word vomit because I panicked I just wanted to have you to myself at that time we were young and having fun I woke up thinking of you fell asleep thinking of you"

You could hear leni guzzle his bottle of water with a ahh.

"when Jess and her friend said what I did I didn't deserve to look for you I didn't deserve your forgiveness I felt disgusted in myself, what happened to your dad and his mate's with the drink driver hitting into their car I always knew you didn't like alcohol and I let you down by drinking after that I never drank more then a glass unless both my brothers were with me I couldn't trust myself your hurtful eyes engraved into my memory I tried to do better to be better it took me awhile to adapt without you I carry and still do in my wallet a photo of us four"

He looks at his brothers and I.

"it was what kept me going then two years ago Jess happened to be there for me when it came to the date you left and the rest is history"

I was looking at the empty water bottle in my hand I could hear leni and lex asking him questions but I didn't know what to feel or how to react I was calm Jess was there for him I wasn't I can't be mad but what I can do is do me what I have been for years.