Broken • Choi Yeonjun

Handle

"You don't have to babysit me, I'm fine." I say rudely, I didn't want to see his face at the moment. 

"l'm not here to babysit." He said back in the same tone, taking up a spot on the floor a few feet to my left. 

"Then why are you here? I'm pretty sure neither one of us wants to be in each other's company." I stand and make my way across the room, grabbing up a rag and a bottle of water. I pour a little bit of water on the corner of the rag and wipe at my raw knuckles, the sting that came from the contact didn't bother me. 

"I'm here because I want to be." He replied, not making any sense to me. 

I look over to where he still sat, meeting his gaze that was already on me. "Why are you really here? Came to say sorry? Soobin demand you to come apologize? If so, tell him you did and I declined it, he'll believe that." 

I had been through enough mind games to last me a lifetime, I didn't need him adding more to it. I just wanted to be alone, to take in what I saw and handle my emotions that were still a swirling mess in my head. 

"I'm not here to apologize... though, what I said was a bit... much." He tilted his head to the side as he said the last word, he seemed unsure of what he was saying. 

"I know it's my fault, I know I'm weak Yeonjun." I feel sadness wash over me as I recall my thoughts as I watched my father die. 

Weak...

I take a deep shaky breath, bringing my eyes back down to my hands. "I've been telling myself that enough for both of us so, please, just know. I'm well aware I'm a weak foolish human who has brought nothing but pain and chaos by trying to be kind." I rub harshly at my hands, wanting to focus on the physical pain, not the emotional pain I was feeling. The physical pain didn't hurt as much, it didn't cut me as deep as my emotions did. It was on the surface. 

I freeze as a hand stops my frantic scrubbing, I had done nothing but make my knuckles even more raw then before. The skin on my hands was a light pick from the friction of the rag being racked over it mercilessly.

"Stop. Just for once, stop talking." 

The soft tone of his voice made me crack, it broke the last tiny piece of resolve I had left. I had been hanging onto it for dear life, I needed to keep it together, I had to be okay... I couldn't let myself fall down a hole, the demon would take that chance and come out. That's why he started this, he wanted control once more. 

Not even taking time to think over how much I disliked the man in front of me, I reach out and pull him into a hug, I didn't care if he constantly pissed me off, I couldn't stand on my own at the moment, and he was the only one around. 

"I hate this." I let out in a broken cry. My bottom lip was trembling as I pushed my face into his chest, I couldn't hold it back anymore. The facade I had kept up for so long was down. I was no longer strong enough to hold the weight of it up anymore. 

He said nothing as he wrapped his arms around me, one around my back as the other went to hold the back of my head, tangling his fingers in my hair. 

~*~

"Did you knock her out?" Soobin almost screeched as he saw Yeonjun carrying Evelyn into her room. He knew Yeonjun had gone to go check on the girl but, he didn't think he would hurt her. 

"Calm down before you wake her up." Yeonjun hissed out. "I didn't do anything, she just fell asleep."

Soobin took a moment to watch his friend, trying to tell if he was lying or not. What he said seemed to be the truth, Yeonjun didn't don his usual smirk when he was playing around. 

"Okay..." 

With that Yeonjun rolled his eyes and tapped the door to Evelyn's room open with the tip of his foot. He wasn't upset over his friend assuming he had knocked the girl out, he wasn't exactly her friend. 

He lifted his foot and pushed her blanket back out of the way, almost losing his balance in his struggle. Once it was far enough down the bed, he set her down gently. He felt for the girl, he knew what she saw, something no one should see. He knew while she was in the memory she would have tried everything to stop it from happening but, there was nothing anyone could do. 

He brushed her hair back from her face, he recalled when she had done the same to him when he had 'passed out' from healing her. At that time he wasn't fully unconscious, he was aware enough to hear and feel what was going on around him. The reason he had tried avoiding her days after it had happened, he was embarrassed by the fact he had fallen into her lap. 

He had heard her clearly when she doubted if she could keep going the way she was. He knew she could, she just had to learn that on her own. She would only doubt herself until she proved to herself she could handle it all. 

"Even people like me can't handle everything on their own." Yeonjun wore a bitter smile as he pulled the blanket to her chin. He knew he wasn't making things easy on her but, he knew what he threw, she could take. 

She had to handle it...

~~ 

I may like this book the most out of all my others so far... Idk just something about my writing in this one, i really like. 

Hope everyone is having a great night/day!