Broken • Choi Yeonjun

Heavy

I stomp my foot as I try and fail to teleport back to the dorm. I had no idea if I had drained myself from coming all this way, or if I wasn't focusing enough thanks to the pain in my stomach.

I was growing beyond frustrated with the constant pull in my gut, it felt like my whole body was just begging me to go to him...

I was not going to do that, I was not going to go crawling to him.

I passed by my old house once again, this time all the lights were out. I don't even pause for a second to let my mind go back to all the thoughts of my family being far away now, happy and safe with no knowledge I existed.

Halfway to the dorm and I had to stop.

I sit down on the sidewalk and take a few deep breaths. I let my head fall back as I look up at the sky. There were no stars to see tonight, heavy clouds blocked any sight of them.

I gasp and flinch as a sharp pain shoots from the center of my chest, up into my head. I clutch at my head as I let myself lay down on the hard concrete.

My breathing was short and shallow as I tried not to curl in on myself.

I stayed there on the ground for at least 10 minutes before the pain eased up enough for me to sit back up.

My phone dings in my pocket, letting me know someone had texted me.

*I felt that as well, do I need to come get you?

It was Yeonjun...

This link between us had more to it than the craving for one another.

I type a quick no and shove my phone back where it belonged.

At least he asked before showing up... I guess he got a point for that one.

I grumble as I force myself up onto my feet, I needed to at least get back within the same place as him, then this pain should lessen a little.

~

As soon as I walked back into the door, someone rushed me.

"Woah, calm down!" I call out as I fall back from the shock of a face popping up in my face.

"You made us worry. you just up and left without a word." Huening Kai said, a slight scowl on his face.

"Sorry, I just wanted some space." I look over his shoulder and give Yeonjun a pointed look.

Huening Kai looked over his shoulder and then gave me an understanding nod. "Still, next time, warn someone."

I give a fake salute. "Got it. I'm going to shower now."

I brush past Yeonjun with my head down. Just the slight touch of our arms made the pain in my gut ease almost instantly.

That only made me hate this bond even more. Was it really going to come down to dealing with pain worse than when I was first dying, or giving into the pull?

I pause at the entrance of the hallway and look over my shoulder. My eyes locking with Yeonjun's right away.

I give him a once over as I think of how bad it would be just to give in to it all.

Will I really let my pride drive me to the point of constant pain? I didn't know what to do at the moment.

He had done so many things wrong to me. Some helpful, some not at all. He claimed over and over again that he was doing it for my own good. How much of that was true? How much had he done for his own gain?

I probably would never know the answer until it was too late to back out if it was all for his own selfish gain.

By the time I learned he really was just a selfish asshole, how far would I have fallen for him? Too far to walk away with my heart still intact?

So many risks, that I wasn't ready to take yet.

So, no, it was more than just pride at this point.

I turn and shake my head as I continue to my room to gather my clothes before I shower.

I shut my door and lean back onto it, gripping at my hair as I try and pull all these stupid thoughts out with the hair that was coming out.

Why couldn't life be black and white? I wanted to make a choice on which way I wanted to go, without the major consequences that were waiting for me no matter what I decided.

Die soon and let my soul be stuck in limbo?

Or give into Yeonjun. Become immortal, fight demons until the end of time, risk losing the last people I care for, risk having the man I'm bound to throw all the love I give in my face and rip my heart out when he decides he was done playing with me.

Would the bond let him do that? Would he be able to up and leave when he wanted? Or would this pull always be there?

What would happen if I did die, would it hurt him? What could happen to him if I did decide to leave this world?

What about the others, would they hurt if I passed too? How bad would they mourn my death?

So many things to think about no matter what way I wanted to go.

I had two choices here, and none were a light decision on my part.

I slide down until my butt hits the floor. I just want my mom.

I bite my lip as I try and hold back a sob. All I wanted was to hug my mom and cry to her about how hard things were, I wanted to be a child once again, just have my mom hold me and tell me everything would work out.

I wanted my dad to make a lame joke to try and make me laugh even though I was balling my eyes out.

I wanted this stupid pain in my chest to stop.