I woke up seeing everyone awake already.
"morning ma" dd says kissing me. "morning" i say sitting up. My head was banging but i had to go therapy today so i got up and got ready then going downstairs saying my goodbyes to everyone.
"im gonna miss my evil twin" Notti says fake crying making me laugh as he jumped on my back and we dropped because he was heavy.
"bye guysss" i say waving.
"BE SAFE MH" ddot shouted before i closed the door behind me.
When i got there i went in the room and sighed. "is everything okay Olivia?" Vicky asked me so i nodded. "im just tired" i smile. "okay, lets start of with something positive today, what did you do yesterday when you got back home?" she asked so i though about it for a minute.
"me, my boy friend ddosama, Notti osama, Ddot and Brianna was all chilling downstairs messing about, we ate some food, watched movies and other stuff" i say as she smiled and wrote down on here notes.
"by the way dont be intimidated im just writing down some notes so i can keep track off all the postives and negatives" she says so i nod my head.
"so what do you think upsets you when you get panic attacks?" Vicky asked me so i think about all the things. "well i guess just my mum to be honest or any thing or people that is bothering me, like the time when my mum told me i should kill myself that's the type of stuff that triggers me" i said getting emotional so a tear dropped down my face so i wiped it quickly.
"okay" she says writing down on her notes. "do you feel like your mother has control over your emotions sometimes" Vicky asked so i nod my head before talking.
"its like when ever she calls me i start tearing up thinking about every thing she is saying to me so i blocked her but she called me on a different number so my best friend Notti gabbed my phone and talked to my mum knowing i get upset when she talks to me like the way she does" i explain
"how does your mum talk to you" she asked.
"she says im a slag, slut, hoe, whore and everything all because im friends with boys and she starts telling me to kill myself and when i attempted a couple months back she didn't care like she didn't even visit me in the hospital" i say as tears kept dropping down my face.
"this is good, keep telling me all your emotions" Vicky says so i carry on blabbering.
"she was a druggy and when she was giving birth to my little sister the baby died because she was smoking when she was pregenant and she was drinking strong liquor and when my dad was in prison the world started going slower and i couldn't take the pain no more so i started self harming, i was only 12 and then at 14 i got raped by my ex bsf's bf and she didn't believe me" i say as Vicky sat next to me and hugged me a little calming me down.
She sat back in her seat and wrote down some notes. "so you went through alot when you was younger and the trauma still hasn't left you" she says so i nod my head.
"okay i really sorry but your time is up, if you need me any day if your feeling emotions and want to self harm call me please" She says as we get up and she gives me a tissue. "thank you Olivia bye sweetie" she says as i smile and walk out.
I was walking down the street calming down so i don't go back home and they all see my crying. I smoked a blunt and still had some as i walked through the door.
"whats good gang" ddot says dabbing me up as i dabbed them all up and gave dd a hug.
"yo you got out therapy and started smoking straight away" Notti says so i laugh and pass him the half finished blunt.
