Mindful Athenaeum

Blog #8

Blog #8

Written by: NightInVioletArmor 

I went to my friend's house, its just me, my friend and my auntie who's just 7yrs older than us. The food was served in the table as we three got our own conversation. Our topic was from the outing we plan with my friend, the presidential election, things about Marcos, history, school works and such. Until we all ended up in topic about our experience last 4-5yrs.

At first the topic is great, its about our math teachers who are great in teaching. I say all of them are great, especially my 7th grade teacher. My friend opposed me that that teacher was too fast at teaching to the point she understand nothing. It is hilarious I say. Then the topic shifted in "strictness". I laughed at that topic, why? Because in that topic i got a teacher who's beyond strict and sadist.

My friend do agrees with me, she's the devil among our teacher. Let's just named my teacher as Jel. Miss Jel is mostly teach but heck we learned nothing under her teaching. Mostly just make us bring this and that, requirements are plenty, and some are expensive. Once you didn't bring or failed a quiz, better prepare for some punishment. Her punishment are all inhuman. I mean this is just experience as her old student, we once failed a quiz, most are zero, few scored 1 and only one scored 2. WHO IN EARTH CAN REMEMBER A LONG PHRASE FROM BOOK AND THE QUIZ IS FILL IN THE F-CKING BLANK. Obviously none of us, most of us is just lucky in picking. So back in the topic, she gone furious at us, making us all stand up to our seat, glare us with her so called sweet smirk and walk around (we're only like under 15 students so everyone can be seen). She ordered us to get our paper and spit at it, telling us to rip it all in tiny pieces, then she said we all must eat those papers. She threatened us our grades will be more low if we disobeyed, we all petrified so we gulp and did her bidding. A smirk flashed after seeing us eat the paper. She told us to spit it all out then put the paper back in piece, dnt care if we use tape or what, just fix it. we all about to d it when the bell saved us, Thank God we're save. After she left in our room, us classmates stared to each other with teary eyes, we all about to burst out then one of us crack a laughter. Instead of tears we all laugh. We're Filipinos anyways, we laugh in our saddest devastating time.

But that's not the end of it, in 8th grade, we all tired in her inhuman punishment as our transferee took all the courage and say "Let's report her to the principal" It's the trigger we need to make us revolt and report her. I cannot state what exactly happened in principal's room together with miss Jel since I was absent that time. But according to my friends statement, while explaining their side, miss Jel succeeded on flipping the table and make us the guilt. The improper, indiscipline and unmannered students. We lost at the game, while she smirk at her victory. We made a new issue aka headline in our school, in next day, after hearing what happened, i glanced upon the other students, they are all taking a glimpse of us. I hate those eyes, it contains judgement and disgust. As if they were all paid to stare us in those looks. That's is the reason why I dont left my friend's side, mostly just befriending the elem because they were all innocent and fun. Most of us going to the library just to be free from those gaze. After that report, not just stares we gain but also more threat incoming from her. That includes the "oh ano? magsusumbong kayo sa mga magulang niya? hah!" It's like there's a part of us scared to tell it to our parents. Scared to utter a word outside of us who are part of those punishment. Just keep it all inside you.

After that, me and my auntie decided to go home so we bid a goodbye to my friend. While on the way back my Auntie told me "Why you didn't told me?" I kept reasoning things that is far from what is real.

What is real is, Im scared of the chaos, knowing my family, they are warfreak, will slap you if needed. Im scared being flipped my rights, im so scared of all. I may be look so tough and carefree, but I do scared of the total chaos it may bring. I hate those eyes, those glares, those stares, that smirk, threats and chaos. My innocent self cant hold it, he just gone through from letting go and building walls from past friendship that he cherished the most.

Though, while on the way home it made me think. Why I didn't fight and why am I so weak? It may be the past, yes i should just forget, forgive and accept and let go of the past but it ain't easy. Being so selfless to the point I only blame myself, the corrupt is myself, the wrong is myself, the false existent is myself. I do those. It's a toxic habit and trait upon myself but what can I do? I'll gain more judgement and loath if I do the opposite. It's better than hurting someone right? I can't believe on what happened to myself at the past... but at least there's one thing that made me smile in my hardest times, both presently and in my past. I care on my past self as my old self care on me. And that's the only friend I know who won't leave me alone in this abyss.