Mindful Athenaeum

They can now be happy

"They can now be happy"

Written by: NightInVioletArmor

Day after day, I felt myself numbing, felt like im gaining weight but the scale says different. I felt i'm carrying santa's sack but it's not gifts it carries, I do not know why that sack is too heavy. I thought carrying heavy things can make your muscle stretch and strong, but I can only see myself being so thin like a skeleton with gift wrapper.

I cannot breathe properly, like it stealing the oxygen im trying to inhale. I've been trembling like i'm shivering from the cold winter. My eyes checking each corners of the room as if i'm being keen and aware of my surroundings, and the eyes that were staring in each moves i have make.

What is happening? I never felt this before..

No

I know this sensation, I know what this is

The beat of my heart, my breathing of my lungs, the inaudible voice of my throat, the tears at the corners of my eyeballs, the uncontrollable flinches of my skin. These symptoms, I recognize this

But did anyone do?

Oh.. who am i kidding? I always lie that i'm okay, i'm alright, i'm fine. They won't know that I am in a big trouble

That faint moans, cries and screams. I can hear it. They are coming.

The symptoms are getting worst. I crouched down, covering my ears and closing my eyes. Hoping they'll be gone. Praying and Crying

Why i'm feeling this?

Why i'm so stupid?

Why I always let this happen?

Why can't I stand up for myself?

Why i'm so quiet?

Why do I always crying whole night?

Why it's getting heavy?

Why i'm feeling drowning, sinking?

Why i'm always like this?

Why can't I change?

Why I acted like that?

Why i'm so complicated?

Why?

Why?

WHY?!

Realizing my situation, I heard my thoughts echoing back and forth, all of them, all together. It's getting loud.

The hands from the abyss who were crying for my help and the ones dragging me down to their home, stopped for the moment as if they were listening to my loud thoughts.

The next thing I knew, they were moving holding me. The only phrases they were saying are the thoughts I've thinking out loud.

I cry

I looked around hoping there will be a light that I can grasp to and stop these hands. Hence, none.

I froze, a tear rolled down to my cheek till bullets of tears continuously runs down till it dropped to the ground.

I looked around again, behind me i see people with faint light. I smile at them, reaching out my hand to them hoping they'll hold it and pull me away. Their respond broke my heart

They just smiled back and watch me drown

I cried. Hand to hand, dragged me down to the abyss.

I gasped for an air, sweating and looked around. It's just a dream. Thank god...

I found my best friend, my lover, my everything, beside me in the bed we shared. I know what happened last night. They also awoken with the sudden noise i've caused.

"What's wrong, love?" They asked, cupping my cheek with gentleness.

I heaved a sigh, "Nothing, love. It's just a nightmare" I assured them.

"Oh, what happened?" they said, pulling my waist and embraced me tightly. A comfort touch I always love. I really love them.

"I was dragged down to the dark pit by these hands. I have no escape"

"Oh what else?"

"There are people, like enjoying or happy when I'm gone" I confess, holding at them tightly.

"Enjoying? like this?" they smiles, like really glad.

I was quite confuse. However, the next thing I remember, dozens of hands dragging me down. I glanced at my partner. I guess once they are done using you, they'll dispose you like a trash. I laughed at my thought.

Sometimes even our trusted and beloved lovers are the one can pull you down to that void. That hurts but oh well.

I guess i do belong in this darknessI creeped a smile, as another tears rolled down to my cheeks. It hurts me, but who am I to complain?

I just hope, they can be now happy without me with them