Chasing the Unreachable Love

Chapter 59

A/N: Thank you for reading my story! You're gonna read chapter 59!

***

When I was back in the living room with a hot cup of coffee, Ashley looked at me with disbelief in her eyes. I made myself comfortable, so I went to sit down next to her on the couch. I really didn't want to sit close to her again, since I had lost myself and almost crossed the line moments ago. Sitting up close to her made me uncomfortable and I had to hold my hands off of her, but I knew it was challenging to cope with. Even though we had confessed our feelings for each other and felt the same way, I really wanted to move on to the next level in our relationship.

But the boundary between jumping from one level to another in relationship, was as hazy and blurry as the fog in the fall. Maybe there wasn't any boundary between it. It just had to happen without leading tips. It just had to move smoothly from one level to another, just like in computer games. There had to be a natural flow between every level, but what if those boundaries were difficult to cross between each level? Would I be rewarded after passing the levels successfully? What would be the prize for me? Would it be something I liked? What would she give me? Herself? A thing? Ah, that drove me crazy!

The thing I truly desired to do, was the thing that I had actually longed to make come true one day with a woman I loved with my heart. I wished to be more than just an excellent kisser. I wanted to be a good man next to her. I wanted to be more than a close friend. I just wished to... Ah, why was that so hard to say? I just wanted to... Sheesh.... I just wanted to be close to her and do other things with her than kissing. Man-duties? Yes, that was it, man-duties! I had to do man duties to grow our relationship into another level.

Whatever I thought, in the end it seemed like she wasn't really into it or didn't want to move so fast in our blossoming relationship. It just felt like we hadn't kissed or confessed our feelings. Nothing. At all. I know that I was impatient and wanted to make her mine, but she seemed to think the opposite. Perhaps that was all just my empty thoughts. Maybe the reality wasn't that kind, but I didn't see into her. She was hard to read unlike me.

As she stared in amazement into my shocked eyes, she teased me, "Oh, so you'd drink another cup of coffee. Didn't you get enough of the first one?"

"Well, I'd say I'm a coffee lover. I could drink more than two cups of coffee a day. It's not like it can't be done," I replied happily, smiled behind my coffee cup, and took two hesitant sips of hot coffee.

"Is it normal for you to drink a lot of coffee, or do you drink a lot of coffee when you are nervous or stressed?" she suddenly asked. I almost spit out coffee from my mouth. Did she figure me out? Was I that transparent and easy to read? It sounded like I-am-very-nervous-right-now was written on my forehead.

"What? I... I... well, I... Yes, I do drink a lot of coffee per day, but it's not like I drink a lot of it often. I... I mean... I drink more than one cup of coffee in some situations," I mumbled shyly as I peered at her. Her eyes, looking into mine in disbelief, turned curious. I felt how she tried to unfold my current self. She tried to figure me out more, but it was difficult, since I already looked stupid, so she probably thought I was crazy.

"In some situations? Like in which situations? Right now? Does it count now too?" she inquired. My eyes widened instantly.

"Well, haha... I... I guess... Maybe it counts, right?" I said nervously, taking a sip of coffee. Her tone was really annoying to me, because it sounded both cute and serious at the same time. Those things together in her made me feel weird. I had already fooled myself and showed I was nervous. I just made things obvious to her like I had always done. But her tone full of cuteness and seriousness was way out of my league and for sure, my cheeks blushed a little.