3 months ago (Fay) CHAPTER 24

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I'm drunk once again. It makes me feel better. Takes a little weight off my shoulders.
I just can't take it anymore. The pain is too much.

Mason left two months ago. I know he did it to 'keep me safe', but I'd much rather be in danger, if it means that he's in my life. That I can actually talk to him, feel him and see him.
I'm barely living. Losing hope. But most of all, I'm losing the rest of my control.

He didn't contact me since that day. Never talked to me again. Never texted me again.
And it fucking hurts. It hurts so fucking much, that I swear, I could rip my heart out of my chest and wouldn't find the difference between now and then.

I didn't contact Mason, either.
I meant what I'd said to him. I hate him for leaving me. Again.
I wish I wouldn't have been right when I'd said, that if he leaves my life a second time, it would destroy me.

And it does. It's slowly eating me from the inside out. Starting with my heart, that aches with every thought of him.
And I cannot fucking stop to not not think about Mason.
It feels like I'm living with an open wound, wich seems to never heal.

My vision is blurry when I reach for my phone.
I type something what I'm sure of, I'll regret in the morning. But my brain is in fuck it mode. Not thinking about the consequences that my actions could cause.
Stupid stupid brain. Or it's just me. But who actually cares?

Me: I wish you wouldn't have left me. Why leaving me, when never leaving whole?
I look down at my text. Satisfied with my statement, I hit send.

                         ̃
I'm already half asleep when my phone finally vibrates.
I reach for it immediately. Regretting it when I almost lose my balance.
Guess I'm drunker than I'd thought.

My heart is beating a marathon in my chest when I can see that Masons name appears on my phone.
Mason: Are you drunk?

Ugh. I hate this guy with all my heart. Well, with the little part that's left for hate. Wich is not fucking enough.

Me: No, Mr. Drunkopolice. I'm having the fucking time of my life.
Mason: You will not realize it now, beautiful, but you have so much spelling mistakes, I can actually hear your mouth saying those sloppy words.

Asshole.
Me: here you are, obsessing over my mouth once again.
Mason: Never stopped.

My heart makes a little jump in my chest when I read that.
Me: I hate you.
Mason: Never doubted it.

I swallow when I type my next text.
Me: Don't you even miss me a little?
Mason: Don't do this, Fay.
Me: why?
Mason: You know why. You shouldn't even text me. Stay away from me.

My heart hurts again, the alcohol not helping with releasing the pain anymore.
Me: How can you hurt me so much without even touching me? Without talking to me?
Mason: Fay.

It's a warning, but I can't seem to make myself stop .
Me: Why returning to my life, when never intending to stay?

What happened to 'fate brought us back together'?
I'm waiting minutes for a reply.
Eventually, I fall back asleep. But when I wake up hours later, there's still no message.

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