"He's coming back today"
I shockingly looked up at the elder and took a deep breath trying to calm myself, no this can't happen, I have to find another way soon
He pecked my forehead almost lovingly and started moving slowly initially, I whimpered a...
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THIS WHOLE CHAPTER IS ABOUT YN...
I sighed as I can't fall asleep, not with so many things going on in my head, it's all messed up... First, Eun-woo's condition, second, those reports, third, Sara's call and lastly Him... I don't know why but I can't help to feel unsettled about him and my relationship.
I know how it feels to have a messed up family and I don't want my kids to face the same thing but I can't do anything too, I can sacrifice anything to provide my kids the best life, the life they actually deserve but I can't, I feel so helpless, I wish I could provide them a life that they actually deserve.
I know since the past few weeks since he came back, everything gets normal for the kids, they seem to be happier and more comfortable around him but as I remember the past, the way he ignored us, I started to get worried about their future.
He never cared to contact the kids at least even once, maybe he never considered them as his. I know that night was a mistake and it's my fault too but I wished him to be a little more responsible, I'm not complaining but never want my kids to feel the absence of a father.
I tried my best these past years to not let them feel the absence of their father but this world, this society is too cruel for that, at school, Yuri gets humiliated for not having a father, Eun-woo gets that pitiful look from others for his condition and not having a father by his side and me, I hated those words that I received from others, even sometimes I doubt that they were true, maybe I'm not good enough, maybe I'm not as beautiful as his girlfriend, maybe I'm not mature enough, maybe I don't know how to work out relationships, maybe I'm a failure...
I take a deep breath as without my knowing tears fell from my eyes, I wiped my damped cheeks and clutch the comforter tightly in front of my chest, I can't break down again like this, not right beside him, I can't show my vulnerable side to anyone, especially him, I can't. You have to be strong Yn...I told myself continuously.
I just can't understand why is he back, Grandma says it's because of Eun-woo but where was he earlier, he never tried to contact the kids earlier but why now? I'm not worried about the past or present, I'm afraid of the future, I'm afraid that my kids have to face what I did, and the thing I'm most afraid of, losing my father. I never want my kids to confront that pain ever, I know what it feels like to not have a father for your whole damn life, I know what it feels like when other asks, where is your father, I know how those people insult for just not having a father.
I'm afraid that he'll leave the kids, hurting them without any care. I still get goosebumps remembering the night my father abandoned me and my mother, I hated him for doing that but later when I get to know the exact reason I started to hate myself. I never want my kids to hate themselves, I never want them to be like me, I want them to be better, stronger, and happier.
