The Wrong Soulmate (BTS OT7)

Chapter 3.10-Hoseok

I could see many of our soulmates growing closer now that Yoona had returned but I was holding back. After everything had fallen apart I had found a new group and had started new relationships that weren't that easy to walk away from.

Sure, I'd casually started spending time with the others, eating meals together, shopping with Jimin, watching a movie, but I always had one foot out the door. I'd stayed over some nights but returned to my new mates most of the time.

A few weeks after Yoona's unceremonious arrival on our doorstep Taehyungie pulled me aside and handed me an envelope with my name written in shaky handwriting.

"I spent the day with Yoona yesterday and she asked me for paper and pen to write you this note. She wouldn't show it to me and it took most of the day for her to write it. I could see it was a lot of effort with the strength she has so it must be important."

I knew I hadn't been spending as much time with Yoona as the others. I think somewhere deep inside I was afraid of believing in the dream of becoming a father again only to see it crushed once more. I didn't think I could handle that heartbreak again.

Slowly opening the paper I could see a page of shaky penmanship, with words crossed out throughout as she had to restart where her weak fingers couldn't keep up with her thoughts.

Dear Hobi,

I'm sorry I've disappointed you. I know how much you wanted to be a father but the babies are gone forever now and I can't share that gift with you anymore.

I learned from you that soulmates are supposed to perfectly complement each other and bring the other joy. You showed me that. But I know that I am no longer the perfect puzzle piece to finish this soul group, at least for your dreams.

I know what it is like to choose something besides your soul group for your own reasons. I did that myself and I want you to know that I will understand if that is what you choose too. Your hopes are important and I want to see you full of the joy you used to have without guilt or uncertainty.

If I could help you fill your dream I would, but please know that I cannot have more children. The best thing I can do is let you know that truth and hope that you will still keep a small bit of affection for me, even as a friend.

Yoona

I refolded the note and quickly stuck it in my pocket. Without a second thought I went to find Namjoon offering it to him to read also.

"Hey Joon, what do you think about this note?"

He looked at me confused but then sighed. "Honestly I think everyone is trying to think about whether we can fix the past and come back together. But it really is your decision."

"Wait, not that part" I interrupted. "The part where she says babies. Remember when the doctor saw her that first day she said it looked like maybe she had more than one c-section scar?"

Hobi quickly continued, "I know Yoona has been reluctant to say what happened to the baby, but what if it was more than one. I think we should see if the company can find out any information. I'm not saying we have to act on it, but we should at least know."

Namjoon considered for a few minutes before he answered. "I see your point. I don't want to make any other decisions without consulting the others, but I'll ask the company to see if they can find out anything about whether it was more than one child and what happened to them. But I want to warn you, we might not really ever know. They made Yoona basically disappear when she returned to Hyunjin. I'm sure they will do everything they can to make sure we don't find out anything about the kids if they don't want us to have them."

"Thanks Joon-ah, I appreciate it".

"Hobi" he called after me as I turned to leave the room. "You should think about the other part of that letter. I know you've been hurt and I know you've forged new relationships in the hopes to become a father but you are our soulmate. I know things haven't worked out quite like we hoped but we were put together for a reason. Maybe we can discover that together?"

"I don't know Joon. I'll think about it. I have so many good memories of our times together but I've accepted that they are just memories. It is going to take a lot to get past that. In the meantime I'm here right? I think that's all I can commit to right now."

Namjoon sighed but nodded in acknowledgement. "Ok, but I'm here if you ever want to talk about it."

In the meantime I wanted to go and see Yoona. I had been so busy thinking about my own disappointment that I'd neglected to consider her disappointment after carrying the child in her womb.

I found her wrapped up with Jimin watching a TV show, something they enjoyed doing together often. I asked Jimin if I could have Yoona for a bit and he quickly paused the TV, directing Yoona's attention to me. I held my arms out to her, inviting her to come with me and she reached back, inviting me to pick her up to carry her.

When we were settled sitting on my bed I pulled out my phone.

I'm sorry about the baby, do you want to talk about it?

She shook her head no but tears began to stream down her face. She intertwined our fingers and I could feel her pressing her emotions against mine, inviting me to open up. When I did I could feel her pain and fear. Clearly whatever had happened was traumatizing to her and I had no idea how to help. So I just held her tight and tried to send back to her reassurance and comfort. No matter what had happened I would be with her.

Eventually she calmed down and took my phone.

I had three children. They are all gone now.

I went to take the phone back but she wouldn't return it to me. Clearly she had something else to say.

I got an infection from my incisions after the last. It wasn't treated and got bad.

Again a long pause.

When Hyunjin found out I couldn't have more kids he sent me away because I was worthless.

I quickly grabbed the phone from her.

No sunshine, never. You aren't worthless and never will be. I'm glad you are back with us. It is better for you to be here anyway.

At this she broke into hysterics, gulping down air and shaking violently while she wept from sorrow, loss, and the small bit of comfort I was providing. While we'd seen her tear up before she'd never cried like this.

Eventually she calmed down enough to drift off to sleep, and after I'd tucked her under a blanket I thought about what she'd told me.

If I hated Hyunjin before, I had a whole new passion for despising him now. Not only had he taken Yoona's children away, but he tossed her out like the trash after she had gotten sick. How could he do that to her, to another human and the mother of his children? It just made no sense.

If there was one thing I was sure of it was that I'd never let Yoona feel like yesterday's garbage again. Even if that meant I'd had to rethink my own relationships so I could be there to better support her.