ᴄʟᴀꜱʜ ᴏꜰ ʙᴀɴᴅꜱ ~ xɪᴀᴏˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Plan failiure

y/n?!

Xiao tossed the empty almond tofu plate into the sink, gliding across the kitchen tiles, then slammed open the door. And there, in front of him, was y/n screaming like a maniac. Xiao raised his eyebrow when he saw the scene before him.

In one corner of the cafe, a group of 5 wearing sunglasses, mustaches, beach hats, and wigs were seated in a booth and spectating the catastrophe happening that very second. Kokomi was on the ground unconscious and Childe was dumping Kool-aid on her. Next to her was an unconscious Gorou. On the right side of the cafe stood 4 rather familiar-looking men in black suits. One was on the floor cowering in fear before Ei, and another was holding his silver hair and freaking out over a calculator. A blonde one was patting the silver head on the back. And the last one with long brown hair and topaz tips and amber eyes...ZHONGLI?? He was drinking osmanthus whine in a crouched position. 

And lastly, there she was; The angel from heaven, the descendant of Satan, the apple of Xiao's eye, Y/n. She was screaming rather loudly at... the broken dango milk glass before her. "NOOO MY DANGO MILK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" she screeched.

Xiao blinked and rubbed his eyes. Then he looked left and right to check if he was seeing this right. Wordlessly, he opened the kitchen door and tiptoed back inside without a sound. Once he shut the door, he turned around and asked menacingly. "What the hell is going on?"

"It's a long story and quite frankly I don't want to explain so just find out yourself," Tomo replied coldly, now fully fed up with this whole plan. He winced as he continued massaging his back. Xiao looked over to Shinobu who shrugged, and Heizou who just said "What he said," pointing to Tomo.

With a sigh, Xiao untied his apron and took off his gloves, running a hand through his hair then made his way to the door once more.

y/n POV

You were horrified. Mortified. Depressed. Shocked. Angered. 

Your dango milk was all over the floor, the scattered glass pieces floating across the substance. 

As you finished your scream fest and got up, you gave a cold glare to the 4 kidnappers who slightly shrank in response. "You are paying for this." you snarled, and Zhongli immediately threw his wallet at you. It was as light as a feather, so you doubted there was any mora in it. Oh well. You could at least sell the wallet.

Just then, the front door to the Archon cafe opened, and in came Hu Tao, followed by Xiangling and Kazuha. You raised your eyebrow as you eyed the coffin Hu Tao was rolling in. It was an intricate black coffin with navy details. It has the word "Kunikuzushi" written on it.

"Hellooo everyone! We have a 24% sale on coffins as of today, so take your pick! It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so be wise hehehe..." Hu Tao announced with a giggle. Xiangling facepalmed behind her while everyone else either stared or rolled their eyes.

"Ah, Xiao! Would you like a double coffin for you and y/n? I'll give you a 50% off!" Hu Tao said. You whipped your head to the left to see Xiao walking out of the staff kitchen in his uniform, looking tired and annoyed. "Take your business elsewhere. We're closed." he announced. For a second, his amber eyes met yours, but he quickly looked away.

"Uh could someone explain what even is going on here-" you started with a raised hand. 

"Come now comrade. Surely you can let us stay for a bit?" Childe questioned Xiao, completely ignoring you.

"Hello?" you questioned again.

"No." Xiao answered curtly to Childe.

"I'll donate 100,00 moraaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-" Childe started saying, but soon screamed as he slipped on a water puddle. It was the puddle of water that had formed when he was dumping Kool-Aid on Kokomi.