Monasterio Series 8: Nights in Casa Vallejo

Chapter 42

You may message Warranj Suarez Monasterio on Facebook to avail a copy of Night In Casa Vallejo book.

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Chapter 42

Today's the last session of my chemotherapy. Wala akong ibang hiling kung hindi sana ay pagkatapos ng mga sandaling ito ay tuluyan na akong gumaling.

But I know it's not the right process. Not because it says it's done means it's really over. Alam kong simula pa lang ito ng lahat.

"You can go back home after this, yes?"

Terrence was hopeful when he asked me that. Hindi na siya umalis pa ng bahay ko magmula kahapon nang magkita kami muli. I already expected this. Gusto ko rin naman na hindi na siya umalis pero ayaw ko naman na sa akin manggagaling 'yon.

"I want to. You think they are ready to see me?" may kalabog ang puso na sabi ko.

Sa kabila ng kagustuhan kong makasama ang mga anak namin, naroon ang matinding pangamba na baka ayaw nila sa akin. May muwang na sila. Kagaya nga ng sinasabi ni Terrence, lumaki silang matalino at may alam sa mga bagay.

Paano kung hindi nila ako magustuhan sa kabila ng katotohanang alam nila kung sino ako sa buhay nila? Paano kung hindi nila ako tanggapin?

These kinds of thoughts are what makes me step back.

But I know it's not the right thing to do.

Terrence stopped in front of me. I'm sitting on the edge of the bed just silently staring at him. Katatapos niya lang maligo at magbihis.

I woke up early to take a bath and fixed myself. Naglagay rin ako nang kaunting kolorete sa mukha para magmukhang maganda. But no matter what I do, I just can't look at the mirror and see the beauty that I once had before.

Hinawakan niya ang mga kamay ko. I looked at him as he placed my arms around his waist.

"You seem anxious. They are yours, Priscilla," seryosong aniya. "Sa'yo sila nanggaling."

"I know. Hindi ko lang rin maiwasan lalo pa at alam kong kasalanan ko kung bakit lumaki sila nang wala ako."

Hawak ang aking mga kamay, naupo siya sa harapan ko at pinantayan ang aking mga mata. He cupped my cheek and caressed it gently.

"Besides, I didn't tell them anything bad about you. Walang kahit na sino sa pamilya ang nagsasalita nang hindi maganda laban sa'yo," aniya. "I never let them."

Isa rin palaisipan sa akin kung ano ang maaaring naging tingin ng mga Monasterio sa akin. Some might even not give any care about my disappearance. Ang mga malalapit sa akin, marahil ay nag-alala rin.

According to him, his parents already knew what happened to me. That I have their sympathy. Maging ang mga magulang ko ay alam rin ang katotohanan.

All those times, they knew what I was going through but decided not to intervene with my life. Kasi sila mismo, alam na ayaw ko nang pinapangunahan ako.

Huminga ako nang malalim saka tipid na ngumiti sa kaniya.

"We'll get home after my chemotherapy. Doon ko na lang rin itutuloy ang pagpapa check up ko."

He nodded. "Once you finish your therapy, is there an assurance that you'll be cancer free?"

I let out a sad smile and shook my head.

"I still have to wait for a few more years with regular check ups before my oncologist finds out if I'm cancer free. But not because I'm out of it, it won't ever come back again."