Follow Carmen, a young and deeply closeted gay teenager as he navigates the 1980's and 1990's yearning for love and trying to find where he fits in.
This story is rated M because it contains elements of death (including children), homophobia, religi...
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When we got back to Sackville things very quickly returned to normal. My friends (both male and female) would come over to my house, we'd play video games, talk, laugh, and smoke, and eventually the puberty games would start. More and more I was watching these games and wishing I could participate, but I was not thinking about going into the closet with Amber, Stacy, or Michelle. Instead I was fantasizing about going in there with Aiden, Ian, or Brian. It was agonizing. While they were having fun and being carefree and normal I was alone inside my head, wishing like hell I could be like them, but knowing instead that I would be alone forever.
Shortly before the start of the school year Aiden's family moved into a basement apartment in a house right on the shore of First Lake. The landlords lived in the upper two levels and had turned the lower two into an apartment. The lot sloped away sharply toward the lake, so the basement entrance was at ground level behind the house. The living room, kitchen, master bedroom, and second bedroom were on the bottom level with all of the windows facing the back yard, while Aiden's bedroom and the bathroom were up a flight of stairs. Aiden's window faced onto the street, looking out over the roof of the front part of the house. Aiden's moving there turned out to be extremely convenient for us, because we could now collect up the beer bottles and put them in his shed until we could cash them in. I would often spend Friday and Saturday night at his place so we could hit the lake early.
Junior High was a whole new world to me. I was used to being one of the older kids, being in grade six, but now I was one of the younger ones, along with the other grade 7's. The guys in grades 8 and 9 looked a whole lot more mature than I was used to! It was a window shopper's paradise! Unfortunately window shopping was all I could do, as I did not dare outwardly express any interest in any of these new guys. I had to learn to watch the ground instead of looking at people out of fear of another "Peter" incident.
Aiden and I were becoming very close, and I was actually starting to develop a bit of a crush on him. I was honestly hoping that the feelings went both ways. Sometimes, when I looked at him I'd catch him looking at me, and he'd promptly blush and look away. Other times he'd look at me and catch me looking at him, and I'd look away (though I always made it a point to linger just a moment). I was spending nearly every weekend at his house by now. His mother was often working and his six year old brother, Richie, was content to sit in front of the living room TV set and watch cartoons. Aiden and I would stay in his bedroom and play video games on his portable TV. We'd talk about school, cars, fishing, and beer bottles. We were just two normal friends doing normal stuff until, suddenly, one night we weren't.
I will remember that night for as long as I live. December 30, 1984. I had just celebrated my 13th birthday on the 26th . We were on Christmas break and Aiden wanted me to spend the night at his house. His mother would be working that night so he had to look after his younger brother Richie. We'd stay up and watch movies on his new VCR all night. When I got there his mom was still home and she ordered us pizza. As she was getting ready to leave we ate the pizza, popped in the first movie (Police Academy), and sat down on the couch. We all laughed our heads off through the whole film.
