Wild Nights, Hot And Crazy Days

Part 5.3: Losing my religion

 After Dale and I parted ways I didn't see any sign of him over the summer. It was like he had dropped off the face of the Earth. I spent more time with Trevor and Rodney (both of whom hadn't seen Dale either), but eventually Trevor became interested in a girl and stopped hanging around with us. I was used to losing friends like this by now, but I had no hard feelings toward Trevor, and we still got along fine.

Rodney basically became my only friend at the time, but I was also spending a lot of time with the local car crowd. I was learning a lot about cars, both by hanging around with those people and by having to keep Bertha running. I loved her to death, and was extremely proud of her (she was one of the fastest cars in town) but truthfully she was a piece of junk that required constant repairs. I enjoyed working on her though.

When school started up in September I was actually excited – it would be my first year going to school in my own car. This was a big thing! Not even the prospect of another school year of taking classes that I didn't want to take and nine months of fighting with my father could dampen my spirits. I proudly drove Bertha into the student parking lot, rolled down the windows, and lit a smoke.

Shortly after classes started Rodney approached me and said "'Ey, b'y, Dale's looking for you."

"Why? What does he want?"

"I dunno. 'E jus' said 'e needs to see you. 'E doesn' look too good, either."

I was curious, but I was still mad at Dale.

"If he wants to talk to me he knows my car is in the student lot. He can meet me there during lunch break."

At break time I went out to sit in Bertha to enjoy a smoke. Having a car was very convenient, as this year they eliminated the student smoking area and banned smoking on school property – even the teachers weren't allowed to smoke! Because of this every car in the lot was smoking like a chimney at break time. I started Bertha up, reclined the seat, cranked the stereo, and closed my eyes. I was half dozed off when I heard my passenger door open. I opened my eyes to see Dale climbing into the seat. He closed the door behind him and just stared ahead.

"What do you want?" I asked. I was being rude but I didn't care. Memories of what Dale had said to me while sitting in that very seat a few months ago were still stinging. He reached forward and turned off the radio, but still didn't say anything. I put my seat back up and looked at him, waiting for him to say something.

He put his head into his hands. He was crying. I felt a tinge of guilt, but I remembered sitting and crying at that picnic table back in June, so the pity was short lived. The clock was ticking on break time, however, so we had to get this show started.

"Dale..."

He started speaking. "Carmen, I'm sorry. I fucked up. I know you'll never forgive me, but please at least let me explain."

I felt cold. There was no explanation that would make me feel better about being told by my best friend that I was not good enough. Still, I decided to hear it anyway.

"Go ahead then, explain". I was not trying to hide my bitterness. He stopped sobbing and looked up.

"I don't even know where to start. It's all so fucked up. That church had me brainwashed. All of us. They actually had us believing that things we knew were true were false."

"Like the dinosaurs."

"Yeah, like the dinosaurs. God, I feel like such an idiot for ever saying that. But the church had me believing it. They made it sound so convincing."

"Why would you be so quick to believe things that you know are lies? That sounds pretty God-damned stupid to me." I was still not feeling any pity toward Dale.