Follow Carmen, a young and deeply closeted gay teenager as he navigates the 1980's and 1990's yearning for love and trying to find where he fits in.
This story is rated M because it contains elements of death (including children), homophobia, religi...
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Troy digested this. "Oh", he said after a few moments. "So if we get together how would you explain that?"
"Easy. You're a friend I just met through James."
"I see."
"Is that Ok with you? I mean, would that bother you?"
"No, not really. I've been out since I was 15, so I guess I forget how hard it can be to be closeted."
"I'm sorry. I don't want to force you back into the closet for my sake. You know, I came close to coming out several times. I was fully prepared to do it when I was with Bruce but he talked me out of it."
"Really? How did he do that?"
"He told me that the news could destroy my family, destroy my friendships, and destroy my work life. He said that my family could fall apart by fighting about me, that friends would shun me, and that work would be bad. Of that he was probably 100% correct. I'm a mechanic, and there aren't many gay mechanics."
"That's terrible. But why would he say those things?"
"It's terrible, true, but when I thought about it I figured that he was right. I was finally at a happy point in my life (even though that happiness was based on Bruce's lies) and was feeling that nothing could ever hurt me. But now I know better. I could never bear to lose my family. I can't afford to risk it over doing something so unnecessary. As for the 'why', it was blatantly obvious to me, right from the start: He didn't want me to be out because he felt that it would make him out too. He talked me out of it because of selfishness. I quickly learned that everything he did, he did out of selfishness. But whatever his reasoning, he was right."
"I don't think it's unnecessary! Sure, you shouldn't do it until you're ready, but sooner or later you should do it! It's such a relief not to have to hide anymore!"
"Yeah, maybe, but I'm not quite ready yet. Are you OK with that?"
"Yes. I'm not going to push you."
"Thank you. Thanks for giving me a chance, thanks for putting up with my bullshit tonight, and thanks for saying that. It means a lot."
I looked at the clock in the dash of the car. Rodney had been inside for 20 minutes.
"What the fuck is keeping that idiot?" I said out loud.
"I don't know, but I wish he'd hurry up. I don't fancy sitting in the driveway of a drug dealer in the middle of the night."
I spluttered. "A drug... so you know!"
"Of course I know! Why else would anyone drive way the hell out here to the boonies in the middle of the night? But he's taking forever! This place scares me, I want to get back to your apartment."
I could see Troy's eyes sparking from the dash lights in the car.
Right. Time to kick this night back into gear. I opened the door.
