Follow Carmen, a young and deeply closeted gay teenager as he navigates the 1980's and 1990's yearning for love and trying to find where he fits in.
This story is rated M because it contains elements of death (including children), homophobia, religi...
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Having attempted suicide I now knew that I did not want to die yet, but it did not necessarily mean that I was ready to live. I was still broke, depressed, and utterly alone in the world. I did not return to that service advisor job, after realizing that it was costing me more to be there than I was making.
I was just existing at this point, not spending any time around any people. IRC provided me with some interaction with other humans but it was a poor substitute for the real thing. I was spending so much time online that I was becoming somewhat of a minor celebrity on #gay_halifax. All of the channel regulars knew me, even though none of them had ever met me, and I spent many hours online offering advice, suggestions, help, and just plain conversation to anyone who wanted it. People were dying to meet me, but I would not come out of my shell. I was not ready to meet people yet. Finally, Gerry, who had been worrying about me, had had enough.
Ger-Bear: What are you going to do tonight?
Asterixx: The same thing I do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world
This was a quote from a cartoon series, Pinky and the Brain.
Ger-Bear: I'm being serious, Carmen. Are you planning on moping around in that apartment of yours for ever?
Asterixx: Why not? I like it here. It's quiet, and I can chat with my friends.
Ger-Bear: Chatting is not the same thing as having real friends. It's time you started getting out and being a part of the world again.
Asterixx: I'm fine, Gerry. Honest.
Ger-Bear: No, you're not. I'm coming over to get you. We're going out tonight.
Asterixx: What? Going where?
Ger-Bear: We're going to a bar. It's time you've met other people like yourself.
Asterixx: But I don't drink.
Ger-Bear: You don't need to drink to go to a bar. It's more about meeting people.
Asterixx: I don't want to go to a bar.
Ger-Bear: I'm afraid you don't have any choice. As your Fairy Gayfather I must insist. You are a wonderful person, and I'm not going to let you waste yourself by sitting at home in that closet of yours. Clean yourself up. I'll be there in an hour.
Asterixx: I don't want to go to a gay bar. I mean it, Gerry, I am not ready yet. Not because of Bruce. I just don't want to be seen in a place like that.
Ger-Bear: Why? Are you afraid that you might see somebody you know? So what? If you do they're probably looking for the same thing you are. And if not, who cares? Didn't you once say you were ready to come out?
Asterixx: That was before, when I was in a relationship. I don't have to hide Bruce from anyone anymore, so I don't have to come out.
Ger-Bear: With all due respect, that is a silly thing to say. But if you will insist, fine, you don't have to go to Reflections. There are smaller gay bars with no crowds. Much quieter and more intimate. It'll be a good start.
