Tw//
Tk didn't want to feel his grief for Nancy
He didn't want to feel his grief for his mother
He didn't want to feel it for his sisters
And he definitely didn't want to feel it for his dad - who had been his last parent
Tk buried his grief for as long as possible until it came bubbling to the surface where it was impossible to push it down anymore
And that's what Tk did he didn't take anytime off to process his grief people needed him they didn't have time for him to grieve he had a job
Tk got up after a sleepless night in the guest room he peaked open the door that was maya's seeing her sleeping peacefully with her bunny snuggled to her chest . He walked in quietly placing a light kiss on her forehead "love you .. ill see you later .." Tk tiptoed out of her room closing the door softly before heading to their bedroom he opened and close the door quietly Carlos was sleeping a soft snore escaping every now and then he opened the closet getting his uniform before heading to the bathroom he turned the shower on to a temperature that was a little to hot he stepped in slowly the heat burning his raw skin the steam clouding his vision he wondered what it felt like -
For the air to leave your lungs .. to take your last breath ..for your soul to leave you body
He laid his head against the steamed tiles his breath shallow as the hot water burned his skin he didn't even hear the bathroom door open or Carlos rummaging around until the shower door opened Carlos got in slowly wincing at the burning water Tk took noticed and dialed down the temperature "did I wake you ?" Tk asked looking up at Carlos "no.. I just don't sleep well without my personal heater." Carlos said wrapping his hands around the back of Tk's neck "may I ask why you in here trying to boil yourself alive ?" Carlos said " was just trying to feel something .." Tk said washing Carlos's hair "look I'm sorry about last night .." Tk said "you don't have to apologize Ty.." Carlos said his hands tracing little patterns on Tk's neck "just tell me if you need someone to talk to maybe I can make it easier .." Carlos said softly Tk nodded his head "you sure you wanna go to work today ?" Carlos asked "im sure captain Vega would understand..." Carlos said "ill be okay .." Tk said " I should get ready .. and you should get back to bed .." Tk said turning the water off "but what if I made you breakfast -." Carlos said " ill eat an apple go back to sleep I love you ." Tk said kissing Carlos's cheek "be Safe please .."
Tk felt numb
"You okay ?" Lucy asked as Tk restocked the gage needles "hm?" Tk said snapping out of his twilight "you good?" Lucy asked "yeah .. hey I heard Paul's making chili why don't you go eat I can finish this .." Tk said "you sure ?" Lucy said "yeah there not much left here plus you might as well eat something before the bell goes off .." Tk said forcing a smile "want me to bring you bowl ?' Lucy asked "no Carlos mad me breakfast this morning in still kinda full ." Tk continued re-shop he put his music on through his AirPods and zoned out focusing on the task that he didn't even hear his captain calling him until she tapped on his shoulder Tk flinched at the contact "geez you scared me ." Tk said taking out his earbuds "sorry buddy ." Tommy said "can we talk ?" Tommy asked "yeah ." Tk said putting the rest of the needles in their place
"Your not in trouble so you don't have to worry . You work is always phenomenal as is Lucy's I don't have to worry about you two." Tommy said "then can I ask what this about ?" Tk said picking at his fingers "as you already know Judd will be the new captain until further notice meaning he will be using your dads office I just wanted to give you a chance to go through some of your dads personal belongings if you wanted to .. I understand if its to soon ." Tommy said " ill go through some stuff on my break later .." Tk said "are you sure your okay to be back to work- its only been a day ?" Tommy asked "nobody's gonna blame you for taking some time .." Tommy said "I'll be okay cap." Tk said softly "tell the twins I said hi ." He said giving his captain a small smile before walking out of the office the rest of the shift was blur on his break he spent it in his dads office filling boxes worth his dad personal items which wasn't much just a few momentous from 9/11 and from their old fire house and a few pictures of them -
The one picture Tk remembered when it was take he was 5 and it was Father's Day Tk was on one side of oven while Luna was on the other side their smiles were all so bright the photo taken a few months before luna's accident "hows it going kid ?" Judd asked walking into the office snapping Tk out of his zone "sorry ." Tk said shaking his head "I'm almost done I just - I got distracted .." Tk said as Judd walked closer "you don't have to do all this you know not now not if its to soon ." Judd said " I know - I just - this is your office now your the captain you should be able to put pictures of your family on your desk ." Tk said "you know he never stopped talking about you .." Judd said "he was so happy when you switched to becoming a paramedic ." Judd said " really ?" Tk said "yeah he said that it was you true passion ." Judd said "I'm not trying to replace him T .. nobody could ever do that ." Judd said
"I know ." Tk said clearing out the last drawer "all yours captain Ryder ." Tk said looking around the office
Tk came home later that night with buttercup he saw Carlos in the kitchen cooking dinner while maya played on the carpet "daddy !" Maya said running over to Tk Tk picked her up "hows was your day bug ?" Tk asked "were you good for papa ?" Tk asked as Carlos made his way over "she was very good although she does have some very challenging Math homework she needs help with ." Carlos said as Tk put her down "okay bug why don't you go get your homework while I talk to papa." Tk said rubbing her hair "okay ." She smiled
Carlos kissed Tk's cheek before leading him to the kitchen "you okay ?" Carlos said softly " I'm sorry for not calling about bringing buttercup home .." Tk said "Tk I like buttercup and we both know maya does he can stay if you want him to ." Carlos says softly "ill tell you what how about after dinner we tuck maya in and we go take a bath together and you can tell me all about your day ?"
"I'm not very hungry sorry .." Tk said softly "when was the last time you ate ?" Carlos asked "I had lunch at the firehouse Paul made chili its quite filling just save me a plate I'm sure its great .." tk said kissing Carlos's head
YOU ARE READING
The Great War - A Tarlos Love story
Fanfiction"Life is unpredictable and control is just an illusion. And it makes us feel small and powerless." But when control becomes to much people get hurt It turned into something bigger Somewhere in the haze, got a sense I'd been betrayed Your finger on...
