♡Exit Music (For A Film) || A YeonGyu/BeomJun Story.♡

⚝11⚝

Yeonjun★

Night turned to day, light seeped in through the curtains, illuminating the room.

Yeonjuns eyes still laid fixed on Beomgyu. 

The only thing that made him falter for a moment was the blaring sound coming from the youngers pocket.

"His stupid fucking alarm.."

Beomgyu stirred, sitting up and yawning.

"Morning Beomgyu."

Beomgyu jumped slightly, turning his head toward Yeonjun, smiling.

"You scared me, you're never up before me."

Beomgyu furrows his eyebrows, looking closer at Yeonjuns face.

"Did you sleep at all after your dream-"

"Turn off the damn alarm."

Beomgyu did just that, tossing his phone onto the floor when he was done with the task.

"I'm so horrible at taking my meds, ugh!" Beomgyu sighs, collapsing back-first onto the bed.

Yeonjun grabs hold of his waist softly, pulling him close before putting his nose into his hair, breathing him in.

He uses strawberry soap.

Cute.

"It's okay, It's Saturday, we don't have to go out."

"I know. But I still should be in the habit of taking it."

"Think of this as practice when you lose it or something."

Beomgyu doesn't say anything, he just scoots closer, wrapping his arms around him.

"How did you find out you had OCD?"

"After I tried to off myself when I miss-counted the stairs when I was 15." Beomgyu laughs lightly, "I've gotten better at handling it."

Yeonjun swallows dryly,  placing his hand on the back of Beomgyus head protectively.

Beomgyu furrows his eyes at the reaction.

"You're suicidal?"

"I used to be much worse. I've gotten much better but, never actually better you know? It's all still there, itching at my head but just less."

Yeonjun nods, letting Beomgyu continue.

"I like to imagine my thoughts as a bunch of fireflies."

"I don't really understand.."

"They're beautiful from far away, but as you get closer they get more and more ugly and you can see what they really look like."

Yeonjun talks in a whisper, "Not all of your thoughts are ugly, are they?"

"No, because fireflies can still be pretty, it's just best if you don't look too close."

Yeonjun smiles against him, closing his eyes. "You're so cute."

"Maybe I'm a bit like a firefly."

"You aren't ugly, you're beautiful up close and far away."

"Shut up you might make me cry."

"As long as you aren't sad."

"But I didn't mean it that way, that I was ugly."

"How did you mean it?"

"It's hard to explain, just forget it."

"Do you know why your thoughts the way they are? Have you found any sense in them?"

"Yeah, a bit I guess."

"Tell me about it."

"Well, if you're talking about my OCD..I guess it's because I've never exactly had much control over my life, like with my parents and just life in general. it's never been very good for me." 

Beomgyu draws in a breath, pausing a moment, before continuing.

"But I could control the way I walked, or the order I do things. I finally had control, after so long of not having any. So if I don't do something in the right way I just know I'll lose control of everything all over again, and I'll cause something bad, or forget something important or really anything. Those are the thoughts I need to learn how to control better. That stupid medicine bottle hasn't left my mind, it's been scratching at the back of my head, I feel so much dread because of it. It tells me I'm going to lose you. And you are the only thing that helps me, better than any pill, therapy, fucking breathing technique I've ever tried. But it's always there. And I'm afraid it will never go away."

Yeonjun opens his eyes, pressing his lips against his head, processing everything he said.

"But, I am able to forget about everything, and that's when I'm with you, when you touch me or do the mouth things that drive me crazy. You flood my senses and I can forget, just for a little while. Then it all comes back. So I really don't want to lose you. Yeah. Because I need those minutes of bliss to live."

"I wont leave you, I'll be with you and your fireflies as long as you want me to."

"My fireflies and I are happy to hear that.."

Beomgyus cheeks were wet, but he couldn't stop smiling.

Yeonjun was his favorite person, his favorite anything.

He was his medicine.

And it was very habit forming.

"What did you dream about Yeonjun?"

"You."

"I thought you had a nightmare?"

"I did."

"What happened in it?"

Yeonjun lifts his face from his hair finally, resting his forehead against Beomgyus.

"I lost you."

Beomgyu swallows dryly. "How?"

"well, you took alot of pills. You were in my bathroom real late at night.."

Yeonjuns eyes widen as he explains, recalling the dream.

"A-and your pupils were blown so wide- fuck- so wide."

Beomgyu nods slowly, watching his face as he spoke.

"You were already far gone when I found you. I don't think saving you was a option. My phone died so I just held you, telling myself you were going to wake up, and you were napping."

Yeonjun cradles Beomgyus face, looking deeply into him.

Beomgyu didn't know what the look on his face was, but it made him uneasy.

"I wont let you do that okay? Not ever."

He nods, not breaking eye contact.

"Never."