You think you know someone
By Nini
I once liked a boy. His name was Ricky and he was two years older than me. At the time he between the ages of fifteen and seventeen.
I always found him attractive ever since we had met on camp . When I thirteen I admitted to myself and my friends that I like him.
They convinced me he felt the same and that I should admit to liking him to him. I did. I wrote him a letter confessing my feelings for him .
I got my friend to give it to him and that night I didn't talk to him again but that wasn't a good thing .
He didn't like me like that.
For the next few months I didn't talk to him or I tried not too. I avoided him. Until I couldn't.
In the December of that year we went on youth camp together. I avoided him on the first night.
Until my friends nearly pushed me into him. The second day was better. The third day was an historical day.
The forth day is the day I fell for him. He and I had fun but it was the first time I saw him cry.
But it was more than that I felt comfortable and safe around him and I told him things that I only told people when nessessary.
For the next six months I fell harder for him. We had our disagreements and there were times I wanted to strangle him.
I wanted to move on but it didn't seem to ever happen and I continued to fall harder.
Until one day changed everything.
I was on duty with one of Ricky's best friends . He was telling me not to go for Ricky.
He told me that Ricky leads on girls feelings. So basically what he said was that if Ricky likes a girl he will flirt and that with her.
She then catches feelings and when she confesses. He hits her with the 'I am not dating until I am 18'.
Then we were talking to his other friend and similar things. I knew right then that I deserved better .
I had hope that we would one day be a coupke and be each other's but I don't anymore .
Cause I deserve better than someone who doesn't answer my texts. Who sends me mixed signals.
Who leads on girls to believing they have a chance with him and flirting with who kbows how many girls.
It didn't really hit me that until two days later how that one thing about him changed everything for me.
I remember writing this down because I felt betrayed, stupid and so sad. I was anrgy at him and at myself.
I looked in your eyes
And I couldn't see the person I loved
When I hugged you goodbye
It felt like one
Up until now
I had let you win every fight
Cause you were my light
It is funny how
A person said one thing about you
And it changed my life
My heart didnt beat around you anymore
I didn't want to see you at all
I have spent so long trying to get over you
cause I lost myself too
In the end
I didn't want to move on
I still had hope that one day we would be one
I guess I was wrong
And if you try
I am going to be long gone
I thought he wouldn't do that . I thought he was different but he is just like all the rest. And it freaking hurts
I
lost the person I loved because he is a jerk and I kinda wish I had never found it out because now everything is tainted.
The songs that used to rwmind me of him make me cry. I can't look at a picture of him . I want to cry if i see him.
I wanted to move on but I never wanted it to be like this. It is like everything I knew and the memories I have are with a different person .
It hurts like hell.
Hey
Sorry about the sad one. It is what I am feeling right now and it sucks.
I hope you are taking care of yourself. Eat, sleep and drink lots of water
Love yoy
